Hi! How are you?
I’m back from the Outerbanks, land of terrible cell service and the beach house we rented which was supposed to have wifi and then didn’t have wifi and then had wifi and by that point who really cared anyway? I was so tuned out I was barely online. I am STILL stuck at Candy Crush level 245 while SOME people who shall remain nameless have already finished the whole game. (Cough, Ali Martell, cough, Amy Storch, but whatever.)
The house may not have come with the promised wifi, but it did come with a murder crab. What is a murder crab you ask? Don’t worry, I will tell you.
The day we got there, I was unpacking the car, while Doug was at the grocery store. As I was doing this, I notice a huge sand crab trying to get into the house. I screamed at the top of my lungs and my father in law was all “what is the matter, are you okay?” And I started screaming “CRAB, CRAB, THERE IS A CRAB TRYING TO KILL ME.”
It is similar to everyday in my house when I yell “DOUG KILL THE BUG.” Just like that, but with A CRAB.
From that moment on every time Michael say this particular crab, who seemed to take residence outside of our house, he called it a “murder crab.” No one else seemed to think the crab was very big, but whatever. They were wrong. The crab was huge. And clearly had some kind of weird crab like vendetta against me.
A few days later we noticed a crab in our pool. I thought this was the end of the murder crab and we could just fish it out and be done with it but NO. MURDER CRAB WAS CRAWLING ON THE BOTTOM OF OUR POOL.
And then people expected me to get into the pool or something.
I was unpacking our suitcases yesterday half expecting murder crab to show up at home.