I have a terrible habit of going to bad places in my head. Like if Doug is running late and doesn’t call, and he doesn’t do this often, I’ll think about what if something happened to him, like he was in an accident. I don’t do it often anymore, and I tend not to be a terribly anxious person. But when we first started dating he was late all the time. And thankfully I cured him of that, because I told him it drove me absolutely crazy. And now with the invention of cell phones he is good about calling or texting if he is running late, but still, sometimes the metro gets stuck or things happen, and then my mind goes to those terrible places.
I like to think that I would be strong and gracious and that I would get through what I needed to get through. That I would raise Michael and carry on. But truthfully, I would probably be a mess. My mom once gave me the best piece of advice I ever heard which was “you get through in life what you have to.” And that is so true. I wouldn’t have a choice. I would want to curl up in a ball and never come out, but I would have to.
I recently made Doug write down everything I would need to know to pay the bills. Because he pays all of our bills online and if something ever happened to him I would have no idea how to get into any of our financial accounts. And that is a really terrible stupid way to live. And we have wills, and living wills, and trusts, and all the legal documents you need in case something bad happens but we didn’t have the very simple this is how you pay the water bill document.
Of course, I hope to never need this information. I never want to need this information. But now I have it. And it is one less thing to worry about.
This post was inspired by Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman. After being kicked out of her widow support group for being too young, Becky creates her own support group with an unusual twist. Join From Left to Write on February 14 as we discuss Saturday Night Widows. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes. Above link is an affiliate link.