On Saturday I hosted a bunch of DC area bloggers for a remembrance dinner in Susan’s honor. It was part Irish wake, part Jewish Yahrzeit celebration. There were no sponsors (other than my dad who supplied the wine.) There was no one to tweet, or hashtag, or instagram. It was just us, and we talked, and laughed, and ate.
We all shared some of our favorite memories of Susan and some made us laugh and some made us cry. And it was Nicole who said that no matter where we go, no matter how long it is until we see each other again, we will always have this quilt that Susan left us, our love for each other and her.
Jessica talked about how Susan would have loved this so much, because there was nothing more than Susan loved than being with her friends, than being with all of us. And Susan gave us all so much. She gave, and she gave, and she gave, even up until the end.
Last week was an exceptionally bad week for me, there was a lot going on beyond Susan’s death weighing on me personally. And there came a point in time where I thought the answer was to shut down the blog and get offline. Everywhere. Facebook, twitter, instagram. Just go away. Because I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing and I didn’t know what else to do.
And then, in that room, with those people, who had experienced the same things that I had in this past year, and the only thing we all had in common was one day opening up the computer and typing, I knew I could never do it. This had become my community. This had become where I was supposed to be.
There will never be another day that I don’t miss Susan, that I don’t understand why she was taken from us. But I know what she gave us. She gave us the ability to sit in a room and laugh and cry within the same two seconds and have no one judge you. We wouldn’t be the same group of people without her, and the last thing she would want me to do is go away.