Today's Guest Post comes from my friend Lara.
Dear Boobies,
I’ve noticed that you’ve been looking a little droopy lately. We’ve been through so much together, I hate to see you (so far) down. From those early days -circa 12 years of age- when you arrived far ahead of schedule and much larger than those of girls older than I. Our first few years were rough. Were it not for you I may have been spared taunts as; “Look who’s wearing an over the shoulder boulder holder” and “Be careful or you’ll fall over”. Admittedly, we did not get of to the perkiest of starts.
Then came the good years. It was great to be 17 years old and C cup. I think that you are largely to thank for the B+ I got in Mr. Bradley’s biology class. The storied educator spent a lot of time stooped over my shoulder “helping” me with my desk work. Had I been turning in homework or getting anything higher than a C on a quiz I’d proudly claim that grade as mine alone. You saved me from many an ugly pin-on corsage. Most of my dates opting for the wrist style after the first guy awkwardly pinned flowers to my chest under the watchful eye of my father.
In my late teens and early 20s your mere presence played a key role in many of my adventures. I doubt I would have been stopped on the beach in San Diego and asked in the background of an MTV beach show if you hadn’t filled out my neon bikini top as well as you did. Then came the first of my four children and our relationship changed. Who’d have known you were so multi-talented, rr that this new stage of our relationship would be so fulfilling? I thank you every time I see the price of formula in a store, hear a horror story of tainted products or look at my healthy kids. So why is it that you’ve strayed so far away from me? Is my belly button that interesting? Have I offended you in some way? Okay, I know I could stand to loose some weight. Yet when I lost over 50 pounds, all you did was go squishy on me and sprout deep stretch marks, all the while remaining your unmanageable DD cup. Is this some sort of middle aged rebellion? Need you add insult to the injury of my having crested the summit of 40? Whatever it is, knock it the hell off already! Perk up dammit or I’ll take you to the shrink. That. Is. All. ~Me
Bio: The irrepressible Miss Monroe was once quoted as having said, “It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring”. This has become the mantra of working mother of four, Lara DiPaola, who strives to live a life less boring by following the path of absolute ridiculousness. When not hollering at someone to pick up their shoes or “aim better next time”, she whiles away the hours of her endlessly glamorous life by doing laundry, imbibing copious amounts of coffee, writing and being a director of marketing.
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