I am a New Year's resolution quitter.
Well, not exactly.
I am still on my no sugar, no alcohol, 1,500 calorie a day diet. I'm doing quite well on it actually. I'm down 8 pounds. My goal was to lose 10. 8 pounds in 3 weeks in nothing to sneeze at. I look thinner. (Trust me, if I think I look thinner, I look thinner. I am my own worst critic.) I am most definitely in a smaller clothing size.
I would give my left arm for a glass of wine.
One of the reasons I wanted to do this was to make sure I could. My drinking and my eating habits had gotten a little gluttonous and I needed to scale back. Reign it in. Remember that we were, in fact, not running out of food and alcohol and that there would still be food and alcohol tomorrow. I needed to get in control of my eating and my drinking and I have done that, quite successfully.
But there are other, darker, scarier reasons that I don't always talk about. My friend Jennie did so beautifully, and I recognized so much of myself in her words.
Detox diet, sometimes, is just another word for eating disorder.
I'm not saying I have an eating disorder, exactly, but I certainly have, at times in my life, had a tendency towards an eating disorder. And I certainly have a voice in my head that says "not thin enough, not good enough, keep going, keep dieting, be thinner." And when I start counting calories, as I have been doing, it gets louder, and more pronounced.
Some days I haven't even been eating 1,500 calories. And the funny thing is, I'm not hungry. I'm too excited when the scale numbers go down to be hungry.
When I started my no alcohol, no sugar, no white flour, no processed foods plan I said I would go six weeks. I think I am calling it after four. I don't like what it is doing to me, the places I'm going in my head, and the silent cheer I give myself every time someone says "you look really thin." I was pretty sure I had gone too far when I was trying to figure out how to hide a juice fast from my husband.
I may be a quitter, but I'm a quitter for a the right reasons.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a friend who does this all the time. She used to have an eating disorder in high school and college. I worry each time she does one. Of course, I do the same thing. I know that voice of which you speak. Sometimes I kill that voice by going the opposite way and that is equally as twisted and scary. I’m proud of you. You amaze me with what you have done. YOU are NOT a quitter! Go you with your 10k too!
That’s a great decision to make, Jodi! Congrats to you. I haven’t had a scale in my home since high school. It’s my way to guarantee that I can’t get obsessed by the numbers.
High five, babe. You’re making the right decision. No sense in feeding a bad habit .. and starvation is just as bad a habit as gluttony.
Good for you! Jennie’s post was dead on in that there are different kinds of eating disorders. I’ve been known to do similar things. And really, what they have been saying since the beginning of time is still true – everything in moderation!
Last year, I started counting calories. I was at a low enough weight that it required a ridiculously low number of calories for me to lose weight. And I could do it – I could stick to that caloric restriction. And it worked! When I stayed within that limit, I lost weight. But… it was NOT healthy. I mentioned it in an off hand way to my parents, and my father told me that I wasn’t eating enough calories to LIVE ON. It was… scary. So I stopped. Losing 10 pounds is not worth it.
Anyway, this is me empathizing with you. And agreeing that there is a point where a healthy experiment starts sliding into an unhealthy place.
Congratulations on losing 8 pounds – that’s fabulous. And (as a fellow wine-giver-upper) I know what a tough three weeks these have been!
I’d hardly call you a quitter. I actually think it’s pretty awesome that you not only can recognize that what you are doing isn’t healthy, but also that you’re willing to share it with everyone else. Mostly importantly, though, congrats on the weight loss. I need to focus on that as well, but I’m not sure I can *quit* wine any time soon.
Proud of you for making the best decision possible for yourself. Healthy is best. <3
Wow-I really admire your decision to listen to the healthy voice inside of you. It’s funny, I was just thinking I should go on a liquid diet to help lose some weight even though I’m probably in the best shape of my life due to some dedicated work out time. Thanks for posting this at just the right time!!
I think your reason for doing it made sense. Your reasons for quitting make even more sense.
I am proud of you.
Best thing is read along ingredients … if there are more than 3 to 5 – don’t eat it. Closer to the source, the better – kind of rules out the crap .. and lets face it … all they do is squish grapes!
I know this post is from a while ago but I read it at just the right time. I have to struggle to force myself to hit my count right on the nose and not stay under. All that under was starting to add up and it’s not good for me, you know? I started in solidarity with my husband’s “get healthy” 2012 diet and now it’s taken me over. AHHHH MAKE IT STOP.