Late Thursday afternoon I got a cryptic email from Michael's teacher that said something to the affect of, "I'd like to set up a conference with you to discuss how to make sure Michael has a successful year this year." And I lost my shit. Seriously. Up until this point all reports were good. He has a behavior notebook this year, like all first graders, and he may have had one or two minor incidents, but NOTHING like last year. I had not heard from his teacher until this email.
I forwarded it to my sister, and Elena, and his reading tutor. WHAT COULD THIS MEAN? "Things are bad aren't they? They are really, really bad, and no one is talking to me and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
I by all accounts had a full fledged break down. And I emailed the teacher back and was like, "I would be happy to meet with you, but I would like to know what we are discussing."
I didn't sleep at all Thursday night. I was formulating PLANS. How could we afford private school? We cannot afford private school, that is not even a possibility. But I cannot go through another year like last year.
Friday morning his teacher emailed me back to tell me that she wanted to discuss ways to improve Michael's reading. And if I couldn't meet, she would be happy to do a telephone conference because she herself knows how hard it is to be a working mom.
And than it hit me. I have school PTSD. It's like I always expect everything out of school to be bad. To be the worst possible scenario in the world. She wants to helo Michael with reading, I WANT TO HELP MICHAEL WITH READING. Look at that.
And so we met. And people were not kidding when they told me she is a "gift from heaven." She is kind, and loving, and smart, and invested in Michael. And she gets him. And doesn't care what happened last year. "I'm not seeing any of that," she told me. "He is going to get where we need him to be. You have to let last year go."
I'm going to take her advice. I'm going to trust her. I'm going to trust Michael. I'm going to trust that sometimes, even if it doesn't seem to be happening to me lately, sometimes things work out.