1. I do not need a cleaning service.
2. I don't like cleaning the kitchen, but I don't mind cleaning the bathrooms.
3. I don't need to get my nails done, I can do them just fine myself.
4. My dog does not need a dog walker. (Caveat, Doug is home all day. He may go back to needing one when Doug gets a job.)
5. People will never fail to surprised you with their kindness. A reader sent me a restaurant gift certificate, with a note that was so wonderful it made me cry, just because. Friends have taken me to lunch, for coffee, and bought Michael ice cream. People have called in favors, emailed us jobs, and called friends in the hopes of finding Doug something. One person, who saw me first, when all this started, and I was truly a mess said, "you need to be kinder to yourself." And I have tried to remember that, the most.
6. Friends have also disappeared. There are people who I thought would show up with a kind word, or a call, or email, that have not. You learn who really is your friend, when the chips are down. I always knew that, but nothing has shown it more than the past 6 weeks.
7. People really, really don't know what to say. " I'm sorry" works. "This really sucks" works too. "I know someone this happened too and they didn't have a job for a year," not so good, even if that is true.
8. All those errands I used to run, totally unnecessary, most of the time. The only errand I have run since Doug got laid off is the grocery store. Target, clothes, etc, nada. And we are fine.
9. Doug should never be allowed to go grocery shopping. We cut our grocery bill in half simply by letting me do all the shopping. Doug can not go grocery shop in an economical fashion.
10. Michael is not getting one "back to school" purchase except for school supplies and shoes, because he needs both of those things. All of his clothes fit and it will be just fine. All of the back to school clothes shopping I used to do, because "he needs to start school with new clothes…" he doesn't.
11. I used to buy makeup and hair products and shove them in a drawer because I didn't like them and buy something else. They are working just fine right now.
12. We used to spend way too much money.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. And I think you’re doing great, you’re stronger than you think you are. The problem for me is that I am not a “spender”, so now, with debt clawing at my throat, there’s nothing left to strip away. I’ve never bought back-to-school clothes (unless nothing else fit), I’ve never had a cleaner, or any kind of beauty treatment… I have essentially no social life, never go out, rarely buy clothes or shoes… I’m stumped. My life sucks, being so broke I dread picking up my mail every morning sucks and now my ex wants me to refund €25,000 (his contribution to buying our flat). I know it’s his right, but to hit me with this right now, when I am overdrawn in every account I have, hounded by bills and threatening bank letters, just pushes me over the edge. My obligatory outgoings (taxes, social contributions, loan repayments, groceries, utilities…) are huge because France is an expensive country and I live in fear of bankruptcy. Last night, I even filled in a profile thing for a dating site, trying to convince myself that having a man in my life would help, even though I’ve lost all faith in a) men and b) my ability to appeal to them, so it’s another exercise in futility. Lordy, when will this all end? I know “this too shall pass”, but when?
I wish you all the very best – keep hanging in there!
I’ve never understood back to school clothes shopping. We do fall shopping and spring shopping and that’s mostly at consignment sales and shops. I’m cheap about clothes.
You and I are opposites on #2!
I identify with 7. I never know what to say. I’m sorry. Please know that you’ve got more kind thoughts and prayers sent your way than you could probably imagine. You will not only survive, you’ll come out the other side stronger and in a better place.
4 years ago we went through a HUGE budget cut (voluntarily, because Manoj was starting a new business and we didn’t have a paycheck for well over a year) I discovered several of these things as well.
Be good to yourself, Jodi!
Now, even though we have the money, it still kills me to pay for a pedicure. Bleh. And I’m not quite sure I will ever have a cleaning service again.
Also, I think the whole “back-to-school” thing is such a SCAM, pushed upon us by the retailers. My kid needed school supplies – that was it! He didn’t need new clothes.
I really identify with #12!
I do think you guys will be fine. I truly believe that, not just blowing smoke.
This sucks and I am so sorry.
This too shall pass, (if that makes you feel any better). That’s what I tell myself when things feel unbearable, then I watch the video to make myself feel better – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY.
I’m sending you positive thoughts and much luck, you’ve helped me so much with your sage guidance, I hope this turns around for you asap.
((hugs))
You know we are always there for you. Love, Mom and Dad
really good list. i’m happy to see a glimmer of hope come through in your writing. good luck on the job front.
What Heather said? About “this, too, shall pass”? Seconded.
You’re playing it smart. Making adjustments where necessary. And hopefully, by the time the leaves change… you’ll have the freedom to re-adjust back as you choose.
Meanwhile: keep up the good fight. And know that you’re not alone in fighting it.
Yup, you are not alone in fighting. See?
#9- My husband does this too. Can’t stand it. I hate grocery shopping but if I let him do it we’d be in the poor house.
Oh my god where the heck have I been for six weeks? I had no idea. I stink!
This does suck and I’m sorry. We’ve done it before (twice actually) so anything you need from afar, let me know. Although, you seem to have figured it all out already! I know this doesn’t help now, but I will tell you, I felt pretty damn strong and awesome on the other side so I’d say I don’t regret it happened.
That said, it still very much sucks. A lot.
Sorry.
Jodi, my husband has been laid off… off and on for the past 3 years. (Now I did not make that comment in the way you talked about in #7, lol) The majority of the time has been laid off. It’s been hard but you learn real quick what you really need and don’t need! I agree with all of these!! Especially #6 and #7… because between my hubby being laid off and my diagnosis of cancer, the same thing happens here! Just know you are not alone and I can totally relate to them all! xoxo
This is a great list and helpful for anyone trying to squeeze out every penny. I am gearing up for Fall and am trying to figure out how to spend way less on “back to school” shopping. This time of year, leading all the way into the holidays, is so expensive! I have two teenaged daughters who expect new clothes. It used to be that they grew all summer and needed new clothes….not anymore.
I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I sincerely hope that your situation turns around soon for you.
Awesome post!
I wish I had leads to send you but in manufacturing there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot that will play to Doug’s skill set.
And oh yeah, totally, COMPLETELY agree with #9. Because really Dylan, WTH!?
You are doing great and you WILL BE FINE again. It doesn’t seem like it but you guys have made all the right moves so I’m convinced that the universe will have your back.
I really wish I could give you a big hug, right now.
This is an interesting list. I have given up so much of this since getting divorced. Man, I dream about being able to afford a house cleaner again. Truly.
It will get better friend. He’ll find one soon. I know it. And then? You’ll look at this list and maybe make some more permanent changes.
Yes! Love your looking at the silver lining. Things will get better and better for us all! I can’t wait for your happy post when he finds a great new job! Sending positive thoughts your way that it comes along soon.
I had a list like this too, when my husband lost his business. I get it. You are doing awesome.
Happy to see that you have spotted some silver lining in this. It absolutely sucks but you will get through this!
Sadly people do disappear when misfortune appears. Be grateful for those who stay and understand it’s a failing of those of leave, not a reflection on you. Some people are never so terrified as they are when they think someone MIGHT need something from them. Their loss, long-term.
Hang in there, Jodi. Better days are coming (also, I love love love that your mom posted a comment; you’ve got good friends and family that love you; I know it doesn’t feel like it but this too shall pass).
These things are all very true. It’s amazing what we can live without when we need to. I am so sorry about your friends, but the good news is that this weeded out the bad ones.
I’m thinking of you, and hoping for the best for your family.
It sucks. I’ve been there and it really, really sucks. You are a smart, strong woman, and I believe that you will figure out how to get through this time and will be amazing.