You may have noticed the content on this blog has fallen by the wayside in the past month or so. And I would like to come up with lovely excuses for that, like I've been enjoying summer or just way too busy to write, but that would be a lie. And I have always said that I would be honest in this space.
The truth is I'm not doing well. The truth is I am barely holding it together. Since Doug's lay off I have pretty much stopped sleeping, and I'm eating very little. I'm worried and anxious pretty much all the time. I'm convinced we are going to lose our house. The house that just two summers ago I was worried and anxious about even buying.
Last week I'm pretty sure I worried myself into an anxiety attack. We had gone out to dinner and the conversation got to "what happens when the money runs out" and "I could sell my engagement ring" and then I came home and started throwing up. And I couldn't stop. And I threw up all night, into Friday morning. I blamed Michael and some stomach bug that he brought up home from camp but I think I may have worried myself sick.
Yes, he has only been laid off 5 weeks, exactly tomorrow. But still, it feels like forever. It feels like the phone calls and the emails have stopped and he is never, ever going to find a job. The news of the economy swirl around me and people keep telling me things like "you really need to plan for him to be out of work at least 6 months. More like a year."
The Washington Post is doing a fantastic series on the unemployed. I don't reccomend reading it at 3 in the morning when you can't sleep.
The truth is there is we are not going to make it that long. The truth is I am really, really scared.
I pretty much suck at everything I'm doing right now. I suck at work, I suck at home. I'm a horrible friend. I'm doing a terrible job at a side job I picked up. I'm barely functioning in any reasonable way, and I can't talk to Doug about it because he then gets upset, like somehow he's let me down and this whole thing is his fault, which is why it is so totally awesome that he reads my blog.
So yeah, the me who has always prided herself on I'M FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE, WE ARE FINE. I get diagnosed with Lupus and I keep moving, Michael breaks his hand at preschool and I keep moving. I'm always moving, I'm always going, because everything is going to be okay and we are fine. Everything is fine.
I'm not fine. I don't now when I'm going to be fine and I don't know what to do about it.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Jodi, I’m so sorry that you guys are going through this. It sucks. We just went through this about two years ago. We were actually just beginning to recover from Greg’s unemployment period when I was fired by my asshole boss for stupid reasons. It took me 8 months to find the job that I have now. I totally understand what you are going through. We tightened up, pulled kids out of daycare, all the things you are supposed to do. I worried constantly about money. The stress at times became unbearable. My panic really set in after I had to apply for my unemployment extension.
We survived. We didn’t lose the cars or the house. Our kids came out fine. You guys will too. I know you will.
I’m here if you need anything.
I know you don’t want to hear that everything will be fine, but I think it will. You will find a way to make it work. In the meantime try not to worry/stress (I know, easier said than done), but try to control the things you can and leave the rest to work themselves out. You’ve got a great outlet here on the blog to externalize your worries and hopefully relieve some of the stress you feel. Thinking of you and hoping for a quick resolution…
I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you! Hugs.
Oh, sweetie, this could be a snapshot of my marriage. Lupus and a layoff exchanged for maybe-fibromyalgia and reduced hours and this is us.
I hope you guys (and us guys) figure out how to talk with eachother. With me, that feels like the stress answer but we are both afraid to upset the other. I wish you all the best and send pouring, huge amounts of mojo.
I wish so much that there were something I could do to help you. I’m so sorry. You have all of my love.
I don’t know what to say. Just sending good thoughts. *hugs*
Okay, wow, that is a lot for one person to handle and I admire how well you’re holding up. I just wanted to comment to give you a little insight into the male mind. Even in todays “enlightened” society, men are still raised to believe that there value as a person is in their ability to provide for their family. We tend to tie our entire self worth on it. That’s why your husband feels like he has failed you. I wish i could give you some magic phrase that would make him feel better about himself, but there isn’t one. But maybe understanding where he’s coming from may help.
I know saying it will be ok doesn’t help, and if there was anything good to say, I’d say it. It does suck and it is scary, but you’re not alone. My Ed lost his job this spring and had to cut our child support down to $200 a month for a severely autistic 14 year old. I had to quit my job in March when my daughter’s needs became too great and there’s no daycare here in Maine for kids like mine. This week I have to decide to pay the rent late and get an eviction warning or buy back to school clothes and get my car inspected. It can be awful and unless one of us wins the lottery, not apt to get any better for awhile. But, we aren’t in it alone. I’m here, you’re here and I know countless others. Maybe tomorrow ill be better, maybe it won’t ..but whatever happens, we’ll keep putting along.
There’s nothing I can do or say to help, but I wanted to say I’m thinking of you. You WILL get through this, even if the “getting through” is rough.
I hope it helped to write this. I, for one, think it’s okay to sometimes not be fine. I think that sometimes things suck, and they always seem to suck the worst when there are tons of unknowns. The land known as limbo. I hope there’s an exit door from limbo in your future very, very soon.
Hugs. I am so sorry you are going through this.
It’s completely normal to feel the way you do. It IS a stressful situation. I’m sorry you have to go through this. When my husband lost his job, and I was not allowed to work in this country yet, and he couldn’t find a job/didn’t seem to care to find a job, it was awful. But your husband is doing whatever it is that he needs to do to find and get a job, and I know you are doing your best to help him, and fill the gap it left with him losing his job. I really hope you can move past this blow very soon, Jodi. I am keeping you guys in my thoughts, and maybe that’s not much, but I think having support through friends and family is important. So from a few thousand miles away, know that I’m thinking of you. Wish I could tell you that it will be fine VERY soon, unfortunately I can’t see into the future. And hopefully Doug will realise he is not letting you down, it’s not his fault that he lost his job in the first place. And he’s working hard to find a new one. *hugs*
I’m so sorry that this is happening. As someone who has been in a very similar situation I entirely feel what you’re going through. Hang in there, and try to communicate with your husband as much as possible. It’s HARD but it’s what will get you through.
HUGE hugs to you. I have no idea what else to say to comfort you (probably because unless I can wave my magic wand and fix it all, no words will do).
Just know that I’ll be thinking of you to send you strength.
We’re always stronger than we know.
HUGE hugs to you. I have no idea what else to say to comfort you (probably because unless I can wave my magic wand and fix it all, no words will do).
Just know that I’ll be thinking of you to send you strength.
We’re always stronger than we know.
Sending you love and prayers, because that’s all I can do. You’re loved by many and we’ll support you in any way we can. Keep your head up…
Hugs. I know it’s not much but I wanted you to know you are thought of.
We’ve had ups and downs over the past 2 years. Most recently, my husband was transitioning between jobs and we had no health insurance. Of course, wouldn’t you know it, that’s when we all seemed to develop some ailment that required the most expensive antibiotics on the market. It actually opened my eyes as to how the other half lives. It can be SO hard.
Yes, there is reality. Yes, there will be anxiety (talking from one anxious person to another). My suggestion? Play the what-if game. Most people want to pretend that it will all work out but when WE the worriers don’t know HOW that will happen, it’s hard to have faith.
What if you lose your house? Will you have someplace to live? Will you have family that takes you in? Will you be able to keep your own family together? What if the money runs out? Can Doug get a job (however menial) that will pay more than unemployment? Can you get state assistance?
There ARE things to do and plan and prepare while still hoping for the best. There are more unemployment benefits out there than you can believe. Just remember than NO MATTER WHAT, if you have somebody’s roof over your head, food in your belly, and love in your heart, all the other stuff can be found again. And rebuilt again. It’s hard but never impossible.
Hang tough. Deep breaths. Lots of hugs.
I’m so sorry for all of your stress. Thinking of you.
I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time. I’m saying a prayer for you guys.
I wish there was more I could say or do. XO
I am really sorry you are having to go through this. I really commend you though for writing about it. You gave a voice to all the feelings I had when this happened to us, but that I was too afraid to voice out loud to anyone. It does get better. It seems impossible and horrible and never ending, but I can tell you that eventually the tide turns and things slowly start to get better.
So sorry that you’re going through this. You will get through it but wow, it’s no fun, is it?! In addition to all the advice about how to survive unemployment just remember to employ all you know about managing your stress. Hang in there! Sending good thoughts your way.
I’m usually a reader not a commenter, but b/c I’ve also been where you are (TWICE) I felt compelled to chime in and ditto what several have said here. It IS hard and it WILL BE hard, until it’s not as hard. We almost lost our marriage over it, but only through Grace did we not. Hold on to your family, hold up your husband, get through the days the best you can and when you need to break down, let it go–otherwise you will go crazy. I would never choose to relive the past two years, but I can say I’ve learned a lot and my priorities are vastly different than they were.
i’m so sorry, jodi. you will be in my thoughts.
Hugs my friend. I am here to help in any way I can— whether it is a hug or dinner or anything. I know better than to say something flowery or inspirational because I remember being where you are, and although eventually we did make it and things did work out, it was a long uncertain road. Love you!!!
We were in your exact situation for far too long. Some advice? It’s okay to ask for help (free school lunches, govt assistance, food stamps, etc). It might feel awful but being fed is important. Also contact utility companies as some offer assistance with job loss. Having to cut back (cable, dry cleaning, etc) sucks but it’s amazing what you can go without and not really feel. Feel free to email me if you want more details on our situation. Because honey, I know.
Xo
Jodi, I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. As a single parent with a low income as it is, I can’t imagine the stress you are under. Blog through it, I say. We may not be able to help you much financially, but I know my mood would be lifted with a little sunshine from the virtual friends. Hang in there!
Unfortunately, I know exactly how you are feeling. And it sucks. Really, really, really sucks. Also I’m here to talk, tell you some strategies we used, etc. I also know this is really hard, but try to think of all the non-material things you guys have that are so awesome. Because, honestly, if the house does go away (which it won’t, I know it won’t) you have an amazing husband, he has an amazing wife and, of course, such a cool kid. Tons of friends, all that is what makes a wonderful life.
My heart goes out to you. I’ve had a hard time blogging myself. There’s lots going on, but I’m so worried about losing our house that I can’t hardly face writing about anything else. And yet, I can’t really write about that either.
We’ll come through this so much stronger. But DAMN it sucks right now.
Does Doug have his resume with any head hunters? That might be productive. Good luck. This is just awful.
Holy crap, Jodi, it’s no wonder you’re not okay. And really, how CAN you keep moving now? You get diagnosed with a disease and you start treatments and do research. Your kid breaks his hand and you let the doctors work their magic. Your husband loses his job and there’s not much more you can do than what you’re doing now (which I’m sure is probably paralyzing on some level.)
It’s okay to freak out about this. And it’s okay to seek out whatever support you can drum up be it financial, emotional or otherwise. Sending all the positive energy I can muster for you guys.
I’m so sorry for the whole set of circumstances. I can’t offer anything other than I can’t imagine that any of us would be handling it any better. I wish platitudes would ease your anxiety, but I doubt they will. All I can say is that I fervently hope you and your family find a workable solution soon.
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