I sometimes forget, when I'm thinking about how oh so hard my life is right now, (yes, I'm being sarcastic, my life is really not all that hard), that there are people who get it. I tend to shut up, shut down, and go on and on about how "fine" everything is. Yes, I hate my job but it is fine. Yes, Michael is having a hard time but it is fine. Fine, fine, fine. Now, where is the wine.
Yesterday, I had brunch with my friend Natalie and then met Melissa and her kids for cookies in the afternoon. And both times there was a lot of, "me too" in the conversations we were having. When you feel like you are alone, and no one else in the world gets it, sometimes all you really need is a "me too."
I forgot how awesome a genuine "me too" is. A, "I get it." A, "I've been there and it sucks."
When people ask me why the hell I blog, and what the hell I'm doing on my computer at 10 o'clock at night when I would rather be sleeping, it is because last night Beth made me cry. We may see each other twice a year, but she knows Michael, and she knows me, and a "I wish I could buy you a bottle of wine" from her and "it will get better" means the absolute world. Also, she told me I wasn't crazy. Which helped, too.
When I started blogging a million and half years ago (I used to blog up hill in the snow both ways) I never knew where it would bring me. I never knew I would literally spend a day with my blog friends, and never want it to end.
For some reason I still think in terms of school years as years. And as this "year" winds down, it occurs to me that this has been a really weird year for me. I've watched friendships end that I didn't think would, and some of my closest friends I met through a screen. I'm working on launching a new blog and desperatly searching for a new job.
I have no idea who I am anymore. Sometimes I think if I could just take a vacation from inside my head things might be a little bit easier for a while.
And then there is brunch. And cookies. And emails. And a genuine, lovely thank you note for a baby gift I sent to Amy.
And I remember that people get it, it's not all bad, I don't have to live in my head.