The endless cycle of we are fine, Michael’s fine, everyone is fine, CRISES, evaluation, fine again, NO WE ARE NOT FINE, reared it’s ugly head over the last couple of weeks again. And I try not to talk too much about it because Michael is 6 and it is not always fair that his entire life and struggles play out here.
But his struggles are my struggles and my struggles are Doug’s struggles. Particularly when they become Doug and I arguing about what all this “means.” And I go back to “I just don’t think it should be this hard.”
I remember a conversation I had with Mir, way back when, when I was rallying against the awfulness of the old school and she said something like, “they might be awful, but they could also be right.” And I know that. And I think about that everyday.
I love Mir. So much. She has been my go to person so many times. And in that case, she was right. I was so mad at the school’s delivery, I wasn’t opening myself up to what they had to say.
Michael is struggling with reading. And the two things that bothered me the most that the old school said to me, and they said some awful things, were “Michael will never read” and “Michael will never make it in public school.”
“They might be awful, but they could also be right.”
And so here we are, again. And that place we were last year, before we changed schools. Where I feel like the worry about Michael will drown me whole. And then I try to remember what a wise person, my sister, once told me. “It won’t always be like this. It doesn’t matter when kids do it, it only matters that they do it.”
Michael will read. I do know this. And he may not be able to make it in public school but I don’t have any other choices.
In 10 years, there will be a different worry. Taking the car out or missing curfew or a broken heart or not being able to go to the college of his dreams. Let a less then stellar kindergarten year be the biggest problem that Michael ever has.
But still, just once, I want things to not be so hard.