Michael's birthday FINALLY ended this weekend with a very small friend birthday party. After a HUGE birthday party last year and a trip to Disney World where it was his birthday EVERY FREAKIN DAY this year we went small for his party, which was good. Because Friday I came down with some weird stomach bug and thought I was dying. And if death was an option I might have taken it.
But Saturday came and I was living and there was a party and kids and cupcakes and Michael was happy.
And my sister got him a goldfish.
Now in all fairness I knew he was getting a goldfish because Michael asked her for a goldfish and my sister asked me if I cared if she got him a goldfish and I said no. (Keep in mind she once got him drums so a goldfish is a step up.) But, Michael is in charge of the goldfish. I will not feed the goldfish, I will not clean the godlfish tank, I will not care for the goldfish in any capacity. I need less things to take care of in my life, not more.
Doug was somehow tasked with setting up the tank. Which was tremendously complicated. There are goldfish rules and you can't move them in to the tank for three days and they have to get acclimated to the water and all this nonsense.
And I was all, "whatever, not my problem. Not my fish."
I give this goldfish 3 days to live. A week tops. There is no way Doug and Michael are remembering to feed the fish. I am the sole reason this house runs smoothly. (Fine, Doug pays the bills. And cuts the lawn. And cares for the child. But I do everything else.)
I am not bringing in a "fish feeder" when we got on vacation.
Meet Goldie: (Michael named him.)
Also: I am warning you right now, I will not be responsible for the fish when it is belly up in the tank, and I am not arranging fish funerals either.
How long do you think before I cave and this fish is my responsibility?
(Thank you for the fish Heather, Michael loves it. And the angry birds stuffed animals.)
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I give it a week. The novelty will wear off and your compassion for living things will kick in. But at least a goldfish is easier to care for than say, a snake?
I hate to tell you this, but we had two goldfish that lived in absolute SQUALOR for two and a half years. The tank was put in a study, not a central room, so they were…easily forgotten and my son let his study lamp shine on the tank and lots of gross stuff grew in the tank. But the damn things lived. I think they LIKED it. Then the smaller one bit the dust. The other one survived and lived on until we stupidly cleaned the tank and provided him with new plastic plants and a nice, bright central location in the house where we could keep tabs on the filter, and even got him a friend, who he ate. Then he died too. I think we killed him with kindness.
Still, he lived three years. I think that’s gotta be a record for a Walmart-store fish. Maybe they thrive on neglect.
We now have four guppies and all I do, I swear, is feed them once a day and change the filter when it needs it.
Oliver, also turning 6, is getting a Betta. If it is red, as he has requested, he plans to name it Steve. Should be an adventure.
I sense lots of in-depth, heart-to-heart conversations with Goldie in the near future.
Love the photo – looks like six is a hit!
I thought the same thing about the goldfish we brought home from the school fair. That thing will be a year old in June. Crazy fish.
Oh… and there was the time last November when Zoe knocked the glass bowl onto the kitchen floor and that sucker got stuck under the refrigerator with shards of glass for a few minutes. It’s still alive.
Good luck with Goldie! (Oh… Zoe named her fish Orangie. Such clever names.)
I am glad he likes the fish. Did he name the fish, dog?
Happy birthday, Michael!
On the upside, goldfish are the perfect size for the toilet funeral. Make sure to sing Taps!
Wow, Michael is six. Happy birthday to him.
I hope you can stay away from Goldie, for your sake. My husband keeps turtles in tanks right by my computer in the office, and to his face I’m all “I never feed them, they’re your turtles, I’d like them to be see free already,” but sometimes I secretly feed them when I know he’s forgotten.
Love the cupcakes!
We have a Beta that came as a birthday party favor 3 freakin’ years ago. Aside from the fact that giving LIVE PETS as a party favor is the most annoying thing ever, Spike (the fish) has done strangely well.
DD won a goldfish at a Jewish fair. Named it Nicky [unisex; we knew both boy and girl Nickies] Charlotte [my middle name...in my honor] Moses [because that's a fine Jewish name]. NCD lived for a few months and was so amusing that we then got a tank w/guppies and neons.
Lol, well at least he is probably old enough now that he won’t try to pick it up to pet it. That’s how Nicky’s first beta died. This second one has lasted longer so far. He’s five now, and I’m sure never feeds it. So Tom and I do it.
Good luck!
Zachary got a fish from my brother and sister-in-law when he turned two. He named the goldfish, Two. Very creative. Two lived for a year, and then bit the dust. Zachary still talks about Two when discussing people in our family and pets we have. It is usually quickly added, “then Two died.”
Fish do a good job of taking care of themselves, but once they start to do poorly, there is little you can do. Stupid fish.
We have guppies. Two tanks. If you do end up in charge and need an opinion on something, feel free to call.
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Michael!
(Seriously, I should not be allowed to use the carriage return; I’m way too irresponsible.)