My best quality, in my opinion, is what a good friend I am. I am the friend you can call in the middle of the night, who will drop everything and be there for you. I remember birthdays and anniversaries and send cards. I babysit, listen, and care.
I hang on to friendships forever, as they are prescious to me. My two closest friends have been in my life from the time we were 13 and 16, respectively. And these are friendships I cherish.
I'm learning as I get older that friendships don't always last forever. Most don't. People come in and out of your life with nary a care and some people don't even notice. I'm the type of person when a friendship starts to fade I cling more, call more, email more, and when the silence on the other end continues it is deafening to me. I have to learn to let go, give up more easily. The person on the other end isn't a bad person, they are just busy, or maybe mad, or decided they are at a different point in their life. Who knows really?
I hang on to things that have long reached an expiration date for me as well, because at one point they were my friends and I feel like they should still be. Even people that hurt me or take advantage of me or I get nothing out of the relationship. I continue in the relationship just because at one point we were friends and that meant something, even though now it is harder and harder to figure out why exactly.
One of my close friends once said to me, "you know what your problem is, you think all friendships should last forever. And they don't. Some aren't supposed to. Some people are supposed to come into your life for a period of time and leave a mark and leave. And that's ok. There is nothing wrong with that."
I'm learning. I'm hoping it is a lesson that gets easier with time.
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*sigh*
Yeah. I’m still trying to learn this lesson. Not doing terribly well at it, however.
I want the lifelong friendships too
I have this problem too. My once-closest-friend-on-earth dumped me and I have no idea why. I kept reaching out with no response and this past year, I finally gave up. I still have to resist reaching out though and remind myself that I deserve better. It’s hard… so many memories together. It makes me sad that my daughters will never know her.
I’ve let a few friendships fade over the years, but I’m not very good about doing it.
I just wrote a post about this subject on my blog! I am the exact opposite of you. My guess is that you had such good early friendships, that set the expectations you have for friendship for the rest of your life. I find it so interesting to hear your take on this. It is hard letting go. Wondering why it ended is the worst as you usually never get an answer.
Yeah, I’ve written before that friendships should come with expiration dates so I can brace myself.
I had a friendship blow up 3 weeks ago and quite frankly, I am still so shaken over how it went down that I believe I am suffering from Post Traumatic Friend Syndrome. Seriously – it has me questioning ALL my friendships and interactions now. If I send a text and don’t get a reply? I question myself. Leave a voice message and get no reply? I question myself. Seriously SHAKEN.
I’ve been at both ends of this. I call it a “friendship fade”. Usually it’s mutual, sometimes I start it, sometimes I’m at the receiving end. The hardest was a friend who was matron of honor at my wedding. When the fade started, I was sure it was a fluke. I emailed more. She would respond, and then not respond. I’d wait a few weeks, email again…Christmas cards stopped. I think I kept the cards going for 3 years, then realized it was over. I never understood why, but maybe there was no why. People change.
I think, being an Army brat, I’m almost too easy at letting friendships go. I just don’t have the best track record on that level since I never did have those life-long friendships. It was easier for me to break off from friendships that were clearly no productive or useful anymore. It’s come back to bite me a bit though, and I need to learn to work at it a little bit more before just giving up. So there is another end to the spectrum.
I am exactly the same way! I especially mourn friendships I had when younger that have faded away with time and distance.
Once friends move away, they never communicate again. He’ll think of them fondly, but he has no need to track them down. It’s much more zen, I think.
It’s only now that I’m coming to realize that just because you had a tie earlier in your life doesn’t mean it will always stay connected. I see that I romanticize what was.
Meanwhile, my husband is the exact opposite; maybe I should overgeneralize and call it a male thing?
I could have written this. Truly.
I had the same friends from pre-school. Then I got divorced and lost them. It was eye opening to learn who my true friends were. None of them, were people I’d clung to for years past when I should have let them go.
My grandmother used to tell me: some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some are for life.
It’s probably a Hallmark card or something. Yet, in the past few years it’s really started making sense.
I don’t know. I think the world would be a better place if more people had that problem.
I’ve just learned that this year — that not all friendships last forever. Or, at least, they don’t stay the same forever. You can still care for someone and send them a note now and then and want to catch up over coffee every now and then without actively being in each other’s lives and that’s okay too.
I once read on some motivational-esq poster that friends enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I suppose I have had the first two but I do not have any friends from my entire lifetime and I regret that. I don’t suppose I can go back in time but I can start now, right?
And the giving back, because that’s what friends do, right?
Also, this posting, could have been written AT me. I’ve been a less than stellar friend to you and I’m sorry … I will email you tomorrow about lunch and we will make a date and KEEP IT. I miss you and you have incredible levels of warmth, intellect, humor, depth and love to share … and if you are offering, I’m going to be there for the taking.
I think the way you do. And I get hurt a lot for it. I guess we have to learn that one…
I have a really, really hard time letting go of friendships. I still think about my best friend from middle school who dumped me between 8 and 9 grade. I still dream about the friends I worked with 8 years ago. As I get older, I certainly understand that friendships don’t last forever. My brain gets it. But my heart doesn’t seem to learn.
Hi Jodi, I’m D. I guess I’m delurking by commenting here (which doesn’t get any less awkward each time I do it), but I just wanted to let you know how much this resonates with me. I, too, try to hang on to friendships long after they should be over, and I, too, will try harder and harder as I sense that the other person might be moving along. I’m sure that to my friends it must reek of desperation, and yet I want to keep all of those special people in my life forever and ever.
And as I was thinking about it, I realized Facebook just makes it worse for me. All those people who had at least been out of touch (even if I did still think about them) are now right back within reach again, and it’s hard not to feel a little hurt when friendly overtures aren’t reciprocated. Perhaps you should re-think that FB account…
Me TOO.
::Nods head like yeah::
ME TOO.
I had a coworker/friend in my 20′s. We were friends, but not best friends. We went out to dinner, I went to game nights at her house, we had a garage sale together, etc. Never had an argument or disagreemnt. She moved out of state & we lost touch. I heard after she moved she was holding a grudge against me, but no one knew or would say why. I recently found her on Facebook and she didn’t accept my friend request. What is hard is not knowing what I did or why she no longer wanted contact with me, esp since so many years have past and I can’t believe she still has a grudge over something I have no clue what it could be. This has been difficult to accept.
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