We are having Michael evaluated again. I haven't decided if I'm going to talk about that process here or not. He's five, almost six, and his life, his privacy, is important to me. I will say this was not a decision that was easily come to or made without careful consideration.
I remember last year when we went through this feeling like we finally got an answer. But our answer wasn't really an answer, it was more of a maybe, maybe not, let's watch him. So we did, and there are concerns, so we will do this again.
Yesterday was a day full of disturbing phone calls and conversations, unfavorable test results and realizing some really hard truths about my self. The past few months, I have retreated into myself in many ways. It is so unlike me and I'm trying really hard not to do that anymore. Life has gotten the better of me in more ways than one.
Years ago, in August of 2009 I flew to BlogHer with Amy. And I told her I thought Michael had ADHD. That was before all the preschool problems, before I even said the words out loud to Doug, or even processed the thought with myself. I don't even know what made me say it, it might have been the xanax and the wine. It probably was.
In the end, when all is said and done and Michael is a grown up and we get through school, he is going to be okay. I have no doubt about that. The last thing I want from anyone is an I'M SORRY comment. This is not that kind of post. There is nothing wrong with him. He is who he is and he is wonderful. Not perfect, not fine, just exactly who he should be.
We are all going to be ok.
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Thank you all for making me laugh yesterday. It was exactly what I needed.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
You know I have been there. I am still there. It will be ok. Not easy, but ok, and sometimes even wonderful.
He is a great kid and he is going to be one charismatic guy when he’s grown. Helping him through the rougher spots with more info from evals on your side is a good thing. I know none of this is easy, but it will, indeed, be okay. More than okay. *hugs*
Michael is not fine – he’s spectacular. And you are too!
Some of the brightest minds in history had some sort of learning difference. All kids have their challenges and learning difference or ADHD will not stop him from being a bright, successful happy and fulfilled.
First off: I AM sorry (and yes, I get to say that) for the really awful couple of days you’ve had.
That said… do what testing you feel appropriate. Discuss the results at length with the evaluators. Get them to offer suggestions. Guidelines. Referrals (if necessary) to others who may be able to help out.
These things suck, but – because, as you say, when it’s all said and done Michael is going to be a fantastic human being – they’re important to do and do right.
::fistbump::
You know my heart is with you.
He’s going to be just fine… in part because he’s got a fantastic mother on his side.
I’ve never said it out loud, much less online, but I think M has ADHD too. Its hard, but you do the best you can, and he will be OK. So will you.
*bottle of wine and bag of Ghirradelli chocolates*
For you my friend.
You’ll be ok. You’ll both be ok. I’m here if you ever need or want to talk.
You know,I am sorry, but not in the “I’m sorry your kid is different” or “I feel sorry for you” kind of way… I’m really just sorry because I know that the process of figuring this stuff out is hard and uncomfortable, and I’m sorry that we, parents, have to deal with those feelings when we try to figure out what is the best way to parent our kids.
Hope you get some answers and feel some level of comfort about what to do and how to do it soon. I’m always here cheering for you guys.
All any of us want for our kids is for them to be happy. Unexpected bumps often look like barriers to that happiness, and so it’s okay—good, even—to try to wish them away or be pissed that they’re there.
You’re right, you’re all going to be okay.
I’ve been thinking about you lately as my kid’s preschool teacher has been presenting us with concern after concern. I spend a lot of time watching him wondering how much is him being a three year old boy and how much is worth worrying about. It’s a hard job we have, paving the way for the best life for our kids, huh?
Michael is a rock star no matter what any test says. You are a rock star for being the awesome parent that you are. Michael is lucky to have you as a mommy.
While it’s not the same, I’m struggling with one of my kids and depression. He’s resisting help, and I am making sure he gets it anyway. I don’t want to look back in 4 years, realizing it’s out of my hands at that point and have done nothing. At 14 almost 15, I feel like my time is running out to make a difference for him. He’s diagnosed ADD and meds help a lot, but there’s depression in there too….and I’m scared to medicate for that.
Hope that the road feels a lot less bumpy soon! Hugs!
Oh, Jodi.. I’ve so been there. And, you know what? My little ones that I agonized over, cried about, worried for, and screamed at (yes, bc that is part of all this, too, right?) are almost 9 and 11 now and they are turning into the most amazing young men. Shining with their special talents and pride in the things they know they do well. My eldest still has issues from his “sensitive” nature, of course, leaving him with blind rages that we all have to deal with. My middle one has been on ritalin since he was 6 and we have never regretted that decision. He has so much more control and it has given him the ability to do what he needs to do and be proud of himself and how smart he is. ((HUGS)) I know you are all going to come through this not just fine, but fantastically. All you can do is believe in Michael and if he knows you do, he will not disappoint you. EVER.
Big hugs from your big sis via email. Call me when you want to talk. You know that I am always here for you, Doug and Michael. I have found that sometimes you need time to yourself to figure things out before you can say it aloud. Really friends don’t need an explanation. They aleady know!
You know what is really awesome? You!
On a less cheesy note, I can understand your trepidation with sharing Michael’s private life on your blog, but would be interested to learn how the process goes from a parents perspective. As a teacher, I only know about the process from MY side of the fence…
We just had my son reassessed by OTs in December and we’re now starting the process at school (because they won’t take our word and two years of therapy on it). They still see no indications of ADHD with my son but his sensory issues and hyperactivity are so extreme it hardly matters.
It’s funny how brilliant these little guys can be. I wish I could bottle that energy. No matter how much it sucks right now we have great kids who are going to be really cool adults.