We had one of those weekends where the sun shines and the birds sing (except that it was so cold) and I'm reminded about how lovely my life is. Truly. It was very low key and easy. Even Michael's OT and swimming lessons went well. Two things he hates with a passion. And then we took advantage of a no event Sunday and drove to Baltimore to spend the day at Port Discovery. (Not sponsored. We totally paid for the tickets.)
I found myself thinking this weekend about how different Michael has been lately. I'm not sure if it is turning 5, or that he is finally settling into the move, (someone said it could take 6 months and I wish I could remember who because I would totally link to you because you were so right), or that he is no longer getting criticized at school every minute, or OT, or WHAT, but he is BETTER. More settled. He listens. Everything is not a struggle. He is rarely in time out. His OT told me no less that 5 times that he is going to be fine. NO REALLY. He is going to be fine.
I see it now. Before when people told he was going to be fine, I would nod and smile only really remembering how bad things were six months ago. Only waiting for the other shoe to drop, for that to start again. I'm not sure I saw it before. Saturday I picked up a few crafts projects for him because it was freezing in D.C. and he spent hours doing them. Hours. This was not the kid that his old school had described to me. The kid that couldn't sit still. This was the kid we had now.
On Friday night my friend punditmom invited me to a book reading/signing by Judith Warner regarding her new book, We've Got Issues.** The book is about how even though everyone thinks children are over-medicated and over-diagnosed, this in fact is not true.
Which brings me back to Michael. When everything was going on with Michael and his old school first suggested ADHD, I was like, off course you would throw this at him. EVERYONE IS DIAGNOSED WITH THAT. EVERYONE IS ON RITALIN. Hey, guess what? That's not true. And in the end, after all the testing, and all the evaluations, Michael wasn't diagnosed with it either. This book is a fabulous read and a great eye opener and I highly recommend it to any parent caught in the cross hairs of the children's mental health system. Or, anyone who doesn't think ADHD/bi-polar disorder/SPD is real or is over-diagnosed. Because the author felt that way before she started writing this book. And she is very honest about that. (And hey, I kinda did too.)
So this post is a little all of the place, and I guess I'm not really sure where I am going with it. I think my point is this. (Hey look, point, I have one. Sometimes. If you read me often enough every once in a while it will happen.) It was the first time I really honestly, in my heart believed Michael was going to truly, really, be ok. Not just we can manage. Not just we can figure this out. But ok. And I know that other kids are not. And they deserve all the help they can get.
So they can have weekends like ours.
**We've Got Issues was provided to me, but I was never asked to review it. The author, who was honestly one of the loveliest people I have ever met, brought the books so we could discuss them. The link above is an Amazon affiliate link.
***Please wish my Dad a happy B-day. It was yesterday.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I remember when my daughter started talking. Finally. After early intervention speech therapy. And all of a sudden… talking. Everyone knew way before me that things would eventually be “fine”, but seeing it for myself was so much more relief than anyone else’s words could have given me.
I’m glad you’re both going to be ok.
Thanks for the book link – pretty sure I’ll be having a look at that one. Glad you guys had a great weekend.
a) Happy Birthday, Jodi’s Dad.
b) Speaking as the parent of a kid who went into early intervention, hoping to have Britt’s experience but discovering, instead, there WAS something going on – thereby launching us into the fun-filled world of ASD, IEPs, etc. – trust me when I say that it’s infinitely better to take the extra steps of getting a kid tested and monitored (even if everything ultimately turns out to be fine) than to decide on your own that everything’s going to be fine, and let what may turn out to be precious time slip away while you hope the situation (real or perceived) self-resolves. Short version: better safe than sorry. Which is pretty much what you said, only you said it better.
c) I need to learn to stop rambling in your comments.
d) Dude… that sounds like an awesome Sunday, on multiple levels. Sweet.
Happy Birthday Jodi’s Dad!!!
The weekend sounds so awesome and fun…YAY
Glad you are feeling so positive about Michael right now. My kids are 17 and 13, there will be more trying times to come and the best thing you can do is try to remember that no matter what, you love him and he loves you and there is always an end in sight and there is always, ALWAYS, a way to solve those issues or at least live with them peacefully!
It is difficult to think that all our kids aren’t on the verge of one diagnosis or another, given the discussions we hear and the news reports we read. So it was eye opening and heartening to know Judy’s conclusions in her book that we aren’t a society of over-diagnosed children.
I think there is a tendency among some people in certain school and pre-school settings to jump to conclusions because they are overwhelmed and hope that a quick diagnosis and some medication will fix THEIR problem, not the child’s.
I’m so happy you could be here for the book event, and I’m even happier that Michael is doing so well. xo
(and happy b-day to your dad!)
Thanks for the b’day wishes. It was a good birthday because I got to spend time with my two grandsons, two daughters, two son-in-laws, and one wonderful wife.
When my daughter was four I was at the end of my rope. I brought her to a child psychologist who immediately said ADHD at 4. I was gobsmacked. There was no ways I was going to label her at 4 with ADHD and I refused to put her on meds. Then we moved to the UK when she was 5, enrolled her in school here (FULL TIME) and I saw a 180 degree change in behavior. She isn’t ADHD, she was just B-O-R-E-D.
@Happy Birthday Jodi’s Dad
I will check out the book, it is a fascinating topic and complicated by a variety of factors. I do think some labels are over diagnosed, but I think that is more an artifact of a broken educational system than anything inherently wrong with the children or even the clinical assessments.
I’m glad Michael is doing so well. And happy birthday to your dad! I’ve been dying to read that book. I don’t think things are over-diagnosed, exactly, but I don’t think they are thoroughly diagnosed in most cases.
Happy Birthday to Jodi’s Dad!
I am so glad that Michael is doing well. That book seems like an interesting read, I might have to check it out.
happy birthday to your dad!
and glad to hear of the book and that we’re not really over-diagnosing – everyone’s just so aware of their options, now, I guess…
Happy days, i am really admiring!