Remember when I was all, we decided, it is done! Hooray. Yeah, that was a nice 5 minutes.
We toured the public school yesterday. And I did it because I knew I should see it before I finalized my decision. And if I fully intended to send Michael there for first grade, that it wouldn't hurt to see the school, so Doug and I went. And I expected to walk out of there knowing that we made the right decision in keeping Michael at his oh so fantastic Montessori school for Kindergarten.
You know where this is going, right? I liked the tour. I liked the power point presentation. I liked the answers to my questions. It is a good school. I could see Michael there. I could see Michael DOING WELL there. When I asked the person giving the tour privately a few questions about his "behavior problems" she was like, "we have ways to deal with that." And I was all "but he doesn't have an IEP. He doesn't qualify for an IEP." And she said, "we can make accommodations without an IEP. We expect children to be developmentally appropriate." (And just clarifying, I liked the tour guide. She was lovely and her answers were really helpful.)
Maybe, just maybe, Michael's behavior problems are not behavior problems and his other preschool JUST SUCKED. Maybe he will be fine in public school. But I have such have a fear of the unknown. On the one hand we have this school that we know and love, with a teacher we know and love, and a director we know and love. And Michael is thriving there. But it is expensive and inconvenient. And not forever. He has to leave eventually.
On the other hand, we have public school…the big unknown. But he is going to go there eventually. And won't it be better to transition to Kindergarten rather than at first grade? But what if it is an epic disaster? What if I make a mistake, again?
WHY CAN'T I MAKE A DECISION? IT IS KINDERGARTEN, NOT HARVARD. IT CANNOT MATTER THIS MUCH.
But the problem is, it does. I cannot go through what we went through again. Michael can't go through that again. He was a mess. I was a mess. His school saved us. Both of us.
What if I make the wrong choice?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have no advice, except go with your gut. Your instincts will tell you what to do. My first thought on reading this post- the tour guide didn’t suit you. The school might be just fine and perfect for Michael, but that tour guide? No.
Ah, yes. I am having similar issues. The program I FINALLY settled on might be cancelled. And the other options are not nearly as good. I’m tired of stressing about this.
Sounds like you and Amy are living parallel lives.
That being said… is there really a wrong choice? Not necessarily. Personally, I’d prefer to frontload as much support as I could before sending my kid into an environment w/o an IEP. That doesn’t mean he won’t/wouldn’t do well w/o an IEP in K, but given the choice between something more formalized (which seems to be what you have set up with his Montessori school) and something vaguely defined (“we have ways to deal with that”) my inclination would be to stick with what I know works.
The con of that, of course, is the potential of missing out on forming friendships in K that can make the transition to 1st grade easier. However, kids are pretty flexible at that age, and after the first 2 weeks of 1st grade I don’t know how much that’d really matter.
Anyhow – and sorry to hijack your comments, but having gone through our IEP last week this is all VERY fresh in my head – I’d suggest that the best thing you can do right now is not to think short-term (what’s the best thing for next year) but rather to consider where can he get the support he needs to build the coping and social skills that will help him most in the years to come. As long as you’re thinking along those lines, whatever answer you arrive at won’t be the wrong one.
And thus, we arrive at the end of the comment. You can now return to your homes. Nothing more to see here.
I haaate making decisions. Let me just say that right out the gate.
As someone who has been reading along with this decision-making process, I have to say — you have really only sounded calm and certain when you’ve talked about Michael’s current school. Your words are more relaxed and confident.
That being said, your gut will tell you what is right for your little boy. A decision made with this much love and consideration just can’t turn out wrong, you know?
Another way to look at it is this:
The change to the New school was not what made things better, it was the change FROM the Bad school. I seriously would not be surprised if he did well in public school.
I am really sorry you went through all of that with the bad school. How wrenching it must have been.
TwoBusy may have it there: is there actually a wrong choice? Pros and cons to both but, in the end, it looks like it will all be good. No matter what you choose.
Was Michael on the tour with you – what does he think?
Yeah, I know that doesn’t help the decision now