I have been struggling with Kindergarten for like, forever. Ever since all the madness started, way back when. And even now, now that Michael is "fine," whatever the hell that means, I still have been struggling.
Earlier this week I had Michael's parent teacher conference. And I was a nervous wreck. And I don't really know why because, I literally talk to his teacher everyday. And she started the conference by saying, "what can I say about Michael, because I talk to you everyday." And what followed was stuff I already knew. Academically he is fine. Better than expected actually since he got a late start in Montessori. Behaviorally, she still has some concerns but not nearly where we were 6 short months ago. He is fine. We are fine. And the best advice she gave me was "STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. ON THE PHONE, IN FRONT OF HIM, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. HE DOES WORSE WHEN HE IS STRESSED OUT. STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. STOP WORRYING. HE IS FINE."
And Doug looked at me and said, "GOT IT?"
And then she talked about how wonderful she thought Michael was. How much she liked him. And how smart he is. And what a joy he is.
One of my biggest concerns with keeping Michael in the school was the fact that he didn't seem to like it. But when Doug and I walked into his room after the conference he didn't want to leave. "Mommy we are making a bunny and I want to make a bunny. Can I stay and make a bunny?" Doug's car was in for service so I took him to the dealer, and then drove back to the school to pick Michael up. Michael never wants to go to school, so the fact that he wanted to stay at school spoke volumes.
When Doug and I walked out of the building we looked at each other and said, "he stays. He has to stay. How can we move him?"
And how can we move him? They so clearly get him. Get where we were, where we are now, and where we hope to be. Is Michael perfect, oh, so not. But is he the devil incarnate that the other school thought he was? No. And I'm so scared that if we move him we just won't know what we are getting next. So we keep him where he is. For now. Give him another year to grow up. To mature. To not become a "behavior problem" at public school.
I'm still taking a tour and talking to the public school next month. But for now, I think this is our decision. Until I change my mind again. Which could happen. I'm not so good at this decision making thing.