5 Years

When I think about this year, it is so hard not to think about all the bad.  But I promised myself this post was not going to be about all the struggles that this year brought you, but all the good.

Michael, you have matured so much this year.  You are no longer afraid to try new things.  Yes, you still get scared, but you get scared and "you do it anyway."  You have overcome adversity in a way that I now know throughout your life you can do anything you want.

You are bright.  You are just oh so bright.  Even people this year who didn't believe in your abilities said that, so I know I'm not biased.  You ask amazing questions, like "why don't the stars fall down?"  and "are aliens real?""  and "how do we know?"  Questions I don't know the answers to.  You want to be a scientist when you grow up and I have no doubt that if this is what you want you will accomplish it.  You, can accomplish anything you want.

You have been counting down to this birthday with such anticipation. 
Every morning this past week you have asked me if you are taller,
"because I'm going to be five Mommy.  Five.  A whole hand."  "Am I five
yet?"  And then we would have to talk, again, about how many days you
had until you were in, fact, five.  "A whole hand."

Your new school has so much faith in you.  Faith that six months ago I never imagined a school would have.  "Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop," the director tells me.  "This child is fine."  "He is going to change the world," your OT tells me.  And Michael, I have no doubt you will.

You recently told me that you were glad that I picked you for a kid.  But I don't think that is how it works.  I think you picked me.  And I'm not sure exactly why, because sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for you.  You challenge me in ways I never thought were possible and some days I think my worry over you will swallow me whole.  But then you will tell me a joke or throw your arms around me and tell me how much you love me and I know that you picked the exact right mom for you and I never should have doubted myself.

Michael you are force to be reckoned with you.  You are smart and funny and handsome and clever and turning into a mature, old soul.  I wish the next year brings you all good things, joy and happiness, and not the challenges that the past year brought you.  But I know this.  Even if there are challenges and bumps along the way, you will conquer them.  You are simply, amazing.

I love you Buddy.  Bunches and bunches and scrunches.  Happy Birthday.  You are a "whole hand" today!