Closer To Fine

I had a conversation with Michael's teacher last week in which she used the word fine no less than 20 times.  "He's fine.  Everything's fine.  His behavior is fine.  There is nothing wrong with this child."  And to go from where we were 4 months ago to FINE.  I cannot even express.  FINE.

The changes we have seen in him, they all encompassing and simply, remarkable.  And it is everywhere, not just school.  Michael has always been simply terrified of swimming.  He would scream and make such a spectacle at group lessons that we pulled him out and enrolled him with a private teacher that got HIM.  Got the issues.  And her answer was "look I grew up on an island.  Kids need to learn to swim, it's a safety issue."  And I was like, "exactly.  He doesn't have to be perfect, he just has to save his own life.  My parents have a house at the beach for goodness sake.  And my 8 year old nephew, his hero, is a very strong swimmer.  If he wants to play with him in the water, he has to learn how to swim."

On Friday, on the way to swim class, he said to me, for the first time, instead of just complaining, he put it into words, the fear.  "Mommy, I don't want to swim.  I'm afraid."  And I said "Michael, it is ok to be scared, but you have to do it anyway.  You have to at least try."

And he did.  He jumped in.  He put his head under the water.  He blew bubbles.  He floated.  He did strokes.  He was FINE.  And on Sunday, he remembered the pool had open swim, or what he calls "play swim."  And he asked to go with Daddy.  I got a manicure and pedicure.

He is excelling so much at Occupational Therapy the therapist doesn't think we will be seeing her for much longer.  He is writing his name without a second thought.  Something that was unthinkable two short months ago.  He is starting to read.  No one is using words like ADHD/ODD/SPD/LD to me anymore.  The words I hear now are "typical 4 year old boy" and "high energy" and FINE.

When I wrote this I literally felt like I was going to drown in the worry.  Like it was going to swallow me whole.  I wasn't eating.  I was barely sleeping.  I had no idea where we were and where we were going and what tomorrow was going to look like.  Words like fine were not even on the horizon.  And I know now, that even in the future, if we have similar problems, things will be ok.  Michael will be ok.  Because Michael has worked so hard, we have all worked so hard, to get to his point.  Not to perfect, not to spectacular, but to FINE.  It is a perfectly wonderful word.