Doug and I are faced with making a decision I really don't want to make. It is re-registration time at Michael's school. And we can keep him there for Kindergarten, or send him to the the public school DOWN THE STREET for Kindergarten. And there are pros and cons to each approach and I have been mulling it over in my head for so long and I am so sick of thinking about it that I thought I would do the smart thing, ask the internet.
I could not make a decision when I applied to college, or when I applied to law school, and I ended up making a decision at the last possible moment, both times. For law school, my father had to messenger the check over to where I went, I decided so late. It is a good thing I picked a school in the city I lived in, who knows what would have happened if I picked the school in Boston I was looking at. Needless to say, I'm not good at making decisions. Remember how long it took me to change Michael's school when it was the right thing to do all along? Yeah, it is like that, AGAIN.
Michael has done so, so, well at this school, and I do really like it. The Montessori line is that kids transition better at first grade because Montessori builds up their confidence so much and teaches them so much that they are better prepared for first grade and blah, blah, blah. And that is great, But also, in this economy, what are they going to say to us? Send him somewhere else? I know their answers are going to be self-serving.
Don't get me wrong, this school has been fabulous for Michael. He has learned a ton, he is starting to read, his teacher is fantastic (and he would have the same teacher) and I adore the director. He is not having the same behavior problems and the few times a couple of issues have come up they have handled it in a reasoned and thoughtful manner with a very "he is a four year old boy approach" and not A THE SKY IS FALLING SCORCHED EARTH WE NEED TO DIAGNOSE HIM WITH EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN APPROACH.
BUT:
It is REALLY expensive. And obviously I would do everything I can for my child, but we moved into a neighborhood with a very good public elementary school, can't he just go there since we have done all this testing and there is nothing wrong with this child? And it is so much more convenient, down the street, we can walk to it, instead of a 15 minute drive both ways.
And more importantly, I really, really, worry about transitioning to Michael to public school at first grade. We know he is going to go to public school at some point. Is it better to transition him at Kindergarten when everyone else transitions? Or give him another year to grow up a little? Does one year really matter?
Why is parenting so hard? Can't we just give them some cereal, throw them in front of the tv, and let them raise themselves?
Had none of the stuff that happened earlier in
the year happened, we would have just been happily sending Michael to
the local public school down the street without a second thought.
(Well maybe there would be a second thought. Do you know Kindergarten
in my school district is a ratio of one to 24? One to 24? That is
insane.) But all that stuff did happen and I'm not sure ignoring it and pretending it didn't is the answer.
I'd like to hear from parents who have done both. I'm sure you are out there. And the bottom line is, he will probably be fine either way, I'm just so scared of repeating the disaster that was earlier this year.
(For the record, Doug wants to keep him where he is. So there is that.)
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
I think it would be better to try the transition this year. My 1st issue would be him having the same teacher, and how hard it will be to change after a 2nd year with her.
Ughh — decisions. This may not be realistic advice, but you could try the public school and if he does have issues there, then move him back to the montessori. I know that isn’t as easy as it sounds, but I would imagine that if the montessori class isn’t completely full (an important IF), they’d gladly accept you and your tuition fees back to them in the middle of the school year if Michael isn’t ready for a standardized classroom.
I know of someone who grew up in the same school district who attended a private school for kindergarten, and announced to his parents that for first grade he’d rather go to the public school, so they let him and he turned out fine. He wanted to go to the school mostly because his friends from the neighborhood were there, so I’m sure that helped the transition.
The cautious person in me would say stay at the current school for a year, because kids are far more resilient to change at that age than later in life, and you don’t know how he might react to the new school when he’s just starting to do so freaking well. Then again, its a lot of money and you’re living in one of the best areas for public schools in the country, so…
Well… I am a psycho Montessori mom, so I’m not sure that my opinion is that much different from the teacher’s. Montessori is a cycle and it isn’t finished until they’ve completed that Kindergarten year. The way it works, you have all of this stuff that’s sort of bouncing around foundation-wise and that last year of the cycle it all just clicks together. My daughter is in her kindergarten year of Montessori and we couldn’t be happier with how much she has progressed this year. I firmly expect her to be reading independently by the end of the year, and this is the kid who was so miserably behind from being temporarily deaf that we considered keeping her in for a fourth year!
I did Montessori and then transitioned to public school in first grade and that’s what Brynna’s going to do, too. And Maren when her time comes. I think the system works best when you let it work.
I understand the finances, though. We are really struggling to keep her in this year, and I would be lying if I didn’t say we were tempted to just stick her in kindergarten this year. I am SO glad that I didn’t, though. I see the kindergartners in our district coming home with their hour every night of homework and see how far behind Brynn they are and I am just so glad we let her finish it out.
Good luck. I’m sure that whichever you choose, it’ll work out. The important thing is that you figured out all the other stuff and you know what you’re getting into now.
Sorry for the novel.
So many if’s….
My opinion? Send him to K at the public school. If they’re as good as you say he’ll do fine. 5 years is the perfect age for boys to be spreading their wings. I also agree with Mary Jo that it could be harder after another year. You always have the option to go back if it doesn’t work out. Honestly? I don’t think that will happen.
I am not quite picking out kindergartens yet, so this is based on my opinion and not experience. However, you say that if all of the junk that happened earlier this year hadn’t happened, you’d be fine with sending him to public school. After all that you guys went through, it’s looking like there’s nothing at all wrong with Michael and it was just the school/teacher who had the problem. So maybe you SHOULD look at it like none of that ever happened since all it ever amounted to is that the other school was wrong for him?
Could you maybe go meet the teacher Michael would have in public kindergarten next year before you make your decision just to see if you and she would be on the same page?
Ok, but only because you’re actually asking for opinions…
If it won’t cause a real undue financial hardship, I’d keep him at this school for another year.
Because 24:1 is NUTS! It’s beyond nuts for Kindergarten.
And the transition between K & 1 will be fine. It’ll feel like graduation to him, and he’ll be that much older and able to handle the move fine.
But if it’s really going to cause financial problems then go ahead and move him. Cause he’ll be fine either way. He’s got you!
I don’t know Montessori. My kids all started in kindergarten at the public school as their preschools didn’t offer K. I do know that we have an handful of kids who join at 1st grade in our public school. For a few weeks the kids are the new kids on the block, but then are assimilated in to the mix. 5/6/7 are happy to play with someone new this year or from Kindergarten. I have also noticed with my son that boys are not cliquey — often my son does not remember the name of the kids he played with at recess. He just loves playing.
For some kids, the one year really DOES seem to matter. My little brother went through kindergarten twice because he just wasn’t ready, maturity levels wise. He did kindergarten at a private school the first time, then went to regular kindergarten the next year. My mom says that was better for him than going straight to first grade. It’s a little different than your situation, but “one year” is more significant than it seems.
Have you met with the public school yet? That might help make your decision. Find out what kind of teacher/student ratios there are, which are frequently different in kindergarten than the rest of the school. Our local school has no more than 1:17, and when Little Man was in K he had no more than 14 all year, whereas the oldest right now has 33 in her 4th grade. Find out what their curriculum is like, what they do to help kids ease the transition to public school, how much home work they have to do (our kids have had no more than 10 minutes/night in K). I think to evaluate it, you need to have as much info about the public school as you would if it were a different private school you were trying to decide about. Get in and ask lots of questions.
We did a slightly different transition with the oldest, she went to private school kindergarten and then repeated k in the public school, and it was the right decision for her. The other two went straight from 4 preschool to k and they did fine.
It’s a tough decision, but information is key.
Well, since we’re not in school yet, my advice might not carry much weight, but I was a teacher so I have a teeny bit of perspective. My instinct would be to keep him where he is where he is thriving. The transition to first grade in a new school wouldn’t be so jarring as any other grade. Kindergarten is typically a world unto itself, more like preschool plus, where first grade is the first grade of actual sit-in-a-desk-all-day school (at least in all schools I’ve seen/worked in/attended.) All of the kids would need to go through a 1st grade transition of sorts, even if they’ve already been attending the school.
I think he will be fine either way, whether you transition him now or later. We have struggled over the past few months too trying to decide whether to send our daughter to a public school or private one. Ultimately, after visiting both extensively and going over curriculum, etc. we are going to try the public school. Our line of thought is that if there are problems we can then always put her in private school. Good luck with your decision. I’m sure he’ll be fine either way.
I can only tell you what I would do, based on the info available. In general, I say go with your gut. With his parents’ support, he will be fine with whatever you decide.
I would probably keep him where he is another year, to give him one full, stable year before the transition, especially since he is doing so well. I couldn’t stomach 24 to 1. My son is thriving in an 8 to 2 class right now, with additional teachers for art, music, etc. That kind of attention is priceless.
you’re great with your instinct – just mull it about for a bit. thankfully he has you and doug for parents so whatever he’s missing in either school, he’ll for sure get what’s lacking at home with love, support, and encouragement.
Here is our experience for what it is worth. Both my kids went to Montessori preschool and transitioned to our public school in first grade. The older child had no transition issues at all. The younger hated first grade until about February. The younger’s issues may well have had more to do with family illness/death that required me to be out of town frequently during the first 3 months of school than the transition from montessori. We’ll never know — I am glad the younger did have the confidence he gained from his K montessori year when faced with the family issues and transition in the same year.
WHile i understand your point about how the economy might influence what the montessori school says, they said the same thing in 2002 when the economy wasn’t a real issues.
Our thoughts in keeping them in Montessori were that we did find that completing the cycle and having them stay for lunch in their K year really did increase their confidence. Also, our K was 1/2 day and the montessori was full-day.
Having seen another family transition from Montessori K to a small, private 1st grade, one issue to consider is how many kids join at 1st grade rather than K when almost everyone is new. Our public school has a lot of diplomat kids so there are a lot of kids new to the school each year, and especially in first grade. Our friend had more of a problem with transition when she was the only new kid in 1st grade.
I think in the long run you should go with your gut, there is so much unknown and out of your control. For example, the teacher at the public school at the time of transition will be important and unknowable now as will the personalities of the kids in the class at that time. They all will be important in ease of transition.
Good luck, it is a hard decision.
I think I would come down on the side of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” He’s doing well where he is, why not give him another year to keep it up? Mostly, I would do this to avoid playing the “what if” game if things went topsy turvy in kindergarden. Keep in mind, though, that I don’t have kids and I fear change. :p
I have no Montessori experience so I don’t know how important finishing the Montessori cycle is but I do have K transition experience. We had to remove my daughter from a “bad fit” preschool to an awesome preschool also. She was SO sad to leave her 2nd preschool, it broke my heart. We did send her to public K though and she is having a fabulous year. Better than I could have imagined. That said, our public K has a ratio of 3 adults (teacher, aide, literacy coach) to 19 kids.
That said, I don’t think 1st grade is bad time to transition to public school. It isn’t like everyone in the 1st grade class will know each other coming from differing K classes anyway.
UGH! This is hard. Go with your gut Jodi – you will be right!
I think this is a hard decision. Neither one of my kids is in actual school yet – just preschool. I can say that I have three friends that have their kids in Montessori and they just rave about how fantastic it is. They love it SO MUCH they just can’t possibly imagine why I might be considering putting my child into the public school. And I am going to put my kids into the public school for the simple fact that it’s free, it’s a good school, and it is literally 2 minutes away.
That said if you are for sure going to transition Michael out of the Montessori school then I honestly would lean very strongly to trying out the public school for kindergarten. As a young child I went to three elementary schools and it was super tough for me to feel like part of the crowd in the new schools. I really believe in trying to keep a child in the same school with the same friends if at all possible. (I know that’s not always reasonable)
I don’t have any experience with Montessori schools as we also live in an exceptional school district, but I can understand why you would be hesitant to change things when he is doing so well. Since you have access to great public schools, why don’t you go meet with the elementary school counselor/principal? Lay out your concerns and get a feel for how things would be handled there IF there were issues. Meet with the lead teacher for Kindergarten and get a feel for what the school is like. Maybe you could even sit in on a few hours of class. Lastly, I would take Michael on a field trip to the school, maybe once during the school day to see what it’s like and maybe once after hours to let him visit with one of the kindergarten teachers and explore a classroom. See how all of those things go and decide from there. Best of luck!!
I’ve been thinking about your post for a while. I am a die-hard Montessori parent. So my personal beliefs are that no way in hell am I ever going to move my kid out of a Montessori school. My husband has even caught me looking at Montessori high schools for when we reach that point. I really do firmly believe that many, many kids will thrive with they type of education.
That being said, you should always do what feels right to you. If you asked for my opinion, I would probably say leave him where he is for Kindergarten. Montessori is a process. He’s thriving there now. Let him thrive there for another year. Socially, he won’t miss much. Especially if you schedule play dates with children in the neighborhood. Sometimes just one more year can make a huge difference in a kid’s self-esteem.
Part of Montessori philosophy is that there is a distinct window/sensitive period where it’s best to move a child. Usually at age 3. And again at age 6. You’ll see different physical characteristics such as loose teeth, loss of baby fat. They also start to lose their “literal-ness”. Their peers become more of an important part of their lives. They might make up codes or clubs. This is usually when they move to lower elementary.
Wishing you the best! It’s not an easy choice. At least you’ve got a good public option when you’re ready for it. We don’t.
Ok, I am a Montessori teacher, so I am going to be a little biased and mention the importance of finishing that third year, because it really does involve a culmination of all of the work he has done thus far. The amount of growth that occurs in that third year is phenomenal!
That being said, I am also a Montessori child. I transitioned in 7th grade. No matter when the transition happens, it is still a transition and there will be bumps along the way. I have also had kids transition at kindergarten, at first grade, and at second grade. All say the same thing: Montessori gave them a great foundation for life, and there was an adjustment period.
Talk to your current Montessori school about different options. Sometimes there are scholarship funds available to help offset the cost for families. Ask about putting down a small deposit to hold a place, just in case things don’t work out.
Visit the public school program and observe in some of the classrooms. If your child has had behavior problems in the past, being in a ratio of 1:24 may not be beneficial for him. He will need an understanding teacher who knows how to handle such situations, especially with such a large class. Also try to observe some first grade classes. That will also give you an indication of the differences between the kindergarten and first grades, and possible transitioning issues.
It’s always a tough decision to go through. A good Montessori school will support your decision, no matter what you decide to do. Be open with the administration and the teachers to get some guidance. Pray/meditate/whatever-it-is-you-do on it. Go with your gut instincts. No matter what, it will be okay.
Good luck!
i am also a die hard montessori parent. however, i have the luxury of sending my son to a public montessori school. he has been at this school from age 2 and is now in ’3rd’ grade. the pre-school years were 1/2 montessori, but from K thru now is full-on montessori. i can’t imagine sending him to any other school. we are very lucky that currently our classes go thru 8th grade! it sounds like you must make the transition; but i would follow your gut…you know your son..does he do well with changes? or is it a big challenge? to me the benefits of the montessori philosophy far out weigh so many traditional factors! best of luck!
OK. First of all, 24:1 is a perfectly reasonable ratio for Kindergarten, as well as other primary classrooms. In California, in the district I teach in (5th grade) our Kindergartners are actually in a 30:1 ratio. However, technically it is more like 30:2 because the afternoon and morning teacher spend most of the day helping each other out. This ratio is due to budget cuts right now (Thank you, Governor…) but it is typically a 20:1 ratio.
Furthermore, instead of looking at the Kindergarten ratio, you should really be looking at the 1st grade one. Especially if you are considering a transition AFTER K. If he is in some really low ratio preschool class now, and you keep him in Montessori for K with a really low ratio, and THEN transition him to 1st grade at the public school. Will the change at that point be even greater? First consider that not only will he be transitioning from K curriculum to the much more rigorous 1st grade curriculum, but also from 1/2 day to full day (in some places) AND a huge difference in the amount of children in the class?
Also, keep in mind, that although it is great when children are reading early… and it is greta when they have all these skills… these are all skills that are SUPPOSED to be taught in Kindergarten! Kindergarten and 1st grade are grades that TEACH reading! A child DOES NOT have to know how to read before or even AFTER Kindergarten! Can they? Sure! Do they have to? NO! Are they at a huge disadvantage if they are NOT reading at that point? NO!
Depending on your campus at Montessori, (I don’t know whether you are at a Pre-K and K campus or a Preschool-6th, etc…) he may be missing out on a lot of valuable experiences by NOT going to public school: at our school, the Kindergartners often work collaboratively with older grades, sort of like a buddy system. They get the benefit of getting to interact with a wider variety of children. Also, they get the added benefit of their 1st grade teacher’s being able to work more collaboratively with the K teachers. When our school gets “Private school kids” at any grade, they are virtually an UNKNOWN. Often times private schools are not good at forwarding files, and since assessment strategies are not standardized for private schools, the data for these children doesn’t always fit or match what public schools use. I believe that although Kindergarten is a “whole different world” as stated by a PP, kids do start to develop friendships and relationships with the children in their class, that they will travel through school with. Furthermore, YOU will start to develop relationships and connections with these parents, as YOU will be traveling through the next 6-12 years with as well! If the school is just down the street, think of how much easier it will be to be involved in Michael’s classroom, as is so important to kids. Also, public schools do offer a great array of services for those that need it (although I am pretty sure Michael doesn’t!). In fact, at my school, our special education teachers (resource, speech, etc.) service all the PRIVATE school kids! Many private schools don’t have special education services (they just may have a good ability to modify the day and curriculum for that child). IF Michael needed services (which he may not) it would be important to get him started on the right track of an official IEP, and learning plan that is recognized by the public school system so that there isn’t a gap in services later.
OK, I totally wrote a novel, but I hope that I have given you a little of my insight. My son, Zachary is set to start Kindergarten next year, and he will be attending the school I teach at. We live just a few blocks from the local elementary school, and I teach 5th grade there. I never had a doubt that he would go there. Just so you know, my son isn’t reading, doesn’t know all his letters or sounds yet. Struggles to write his name, but will be fine. He loves Lego’s, Playmobil, and Star Wars. He too can kick my butt in Wii. I am not worried about his performance, and in fact, he is only in an enrichment preschool program 2 days a week. It isn’t even a Pre-K program. Michael is bright, and could learn if a slug taught him Kindergarten.
OOOH! And I just thought about this: Going to Kindergarten at the local elementary school will give him a fast and excellent way of meeting other kids in his NEW neighborhood, and possibly developing lasting friendships! Especially since I am pretty sure you won’t be selling your house again for a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time!
if you live in the DC area – you are NUTS to not put him in public school. We have some of the highest rated public schools in the NATION. My girls go to public school and we have been amazed at the quality, welcoming of parents (our school allows us to go in a observe the classes and select our children’s teachers!!), and depth of services. I highly recommend our public schools. Talk to your neighbors – see what they think of the neighborhood school. Make an appt with the Principal. I’ll bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
I have a 6 year old girl who just transitioned into public K from Montessori. It went fine. At the same time, I think she had pretty much gone through the entire Montessori preschool curriculum and it seemed appropriate. If anything we have been worried that she has not been challenged enough. I think there are arguments to be made for transitioning at K, especially for boys. It’s not as demanding as first grade, from a behavior standpoint (first grade they sit in their desks all day – tough from moving around at Montessori) and everyone is “new”. At first grade there would be an adjustment since 90% of the class would have known each other for a year already. However, to be honest, the ratio is upsetting and that in and of itself would make me pause. My child goes to public school in DC and her class is 1:18 with a full time aide everyday also, so really 1:9. 24 5 year olds are a lot of 5 year olds, and I’ve talked with early education teachers who feel much more strongly than I do on this point. If you feel you will be using this school anyway, then I would probably make the move next year, but if that’s still a question I would consider keeping him where he is.
i think he needs more than a year at a school to stabilize completely. and if you move him next year, he will only have half a year at this school. the school that turning everything around. they have done a good job with him–let them keep doing it.
i don’t have kids. and i don’t know if 1:24 is good or bad or what that means.
my mine is the opinion of just a mere bystander to your story of michael.
That’s a really tough choice. I don’t envy you. When we were trying to decide what to do with Jack for kindergarten, we agonized and agonized.
I just erased a long comment that basically said, “huh, there are pros and cons to each, but either way I bet he’ll be fine.” Which is so not useful. Sorry.
But he will be. Fine, that is. But that doesn’t make your decision easier. Good luck.
We kept our similarly (to Michael) child in private K. I have not regretted it for one minute. Yes, it is expensive but I think she needed another year to “mature” and I hope when she goes to 1st next year in the public school she will be ready. It was a hard decision for us too but I am so happy that her ratio right now is 1-6!
Obviously there are pros and cons to both places. If it were me I would send him to public school in kindergarten, next year. Reasoning: most public school kids start in kindergarten, and it might be harder for him to start at that school a year later with a bunch of kids who already know each other. If you’re sending him to public regardless, he might as well make that transition as soon as possible. It’s FREE. I think it’s nice to go to school in your neighborhood and get to walk, and know all the neighborhood kids, etc.
You know my vote, public school.
Your readers who suggested going into the school and seeing what it is all about I think is great advice. My other advice is go with your first instinct. When we moved her from Chicago and I visited the neighborhood school I didn’t care for it and didn’t listen to my inershelf, if I had, I feel you girls would have been much happier somewhre else. We were desperate to find a house and I put that first big mistake but I would definitely look at the neighborhood school before making a final decision. Love, Mom
24:1 at your public K is the projection for next year too? Wow.
I think that if he is happy and doing well, have him stay where he is and transition next year. I know you won’t put a price on him doing well in his current spot over the heartwrenching agony you faced earlier this year.
But then again, what do I know! Go with whatever your heart tells you to do!
And really, 24:1?!? It is 18:1 at my daughter’s school (ok, 16:1 now since a couple of kids left) and we aren’t even Title 1!
oh I so don’t envy your choice. Go with your gut – and Michael’s. What does he think about his current school or the possibility of a new school? Are you able to have him sit in an hour or two at the public school or at least meet with the administrator to get a feel for it? (I haven’t read all the comments all the way through – sorry, this has probably already been said!) Good luck.
If Michael were my son, and he isn’t, I’d send him in kindergarten. That way when he goes into first grade, he’ll have been there for a year. Kindergarten is so much more touchy feely than first grade. while it is a lot more academic than when I was there at five, it is more “friendly”, if you know what I mean, and Michael will be going to school with these kids all through school anyway, so why not give him that extra year to make friends, and for you to meet the moms and figure out the lay of the land??
There’s a lot of social networking at school–for you and him. You wouldn’t believe the stuff you find out by volunteering just a few hours a month or being a room mom. You will also have a leg up by doing that too.
That being said, you are mom, you know him. I think you already know what you should do. Michael will be fine either way.
Good luck!!!