Forever in Blue Jeans

On Saturday I took the rare opportunity to go shopping.  By myself.  My need for pants was reaching epic proportions as most of my pants were too big on me.  And I'm not saying this to be all braggy, braggy, I'm saying it as a fact.

I have been overweight most of my life.  I was always a fat kid.  I actively cannot remember a point in my life that I was not on a diet.  Doug fell in love with me at my heaviest, so at least I know he loves me for me.  Right before our wedding I took off over 30 pounds and became the thinnest I ever was with a combination of Weight Watchers, exercise, and crazy OCD.  Weight Watchers points brought out this crazy OCD calorie counting side in me that was probably a borderline eating disorder.  But after the wedding my weight stabilized.  And then I had Michael, gained the requisite amount of weight and took it off in a reasonable period of time with the crazy OCD WW me again and exercise.  Gym daycare is a fabulous thing when you have five months of maternity leave.

And then I just became this person I stopped recognizing.  I always wanted to lose the last 10 pounds, to get back to my "wedding weight" but I worked out because I enjoyed it and it kept me sane and I ate reasonably well, mostly organic and non processed foods.  I learned to enjoy cooking.  But I also enjoyed wine regularly and an occasional treat and my weight was what it was.  I just stopped caring about it so much.  I learned to be happy.

The past six months or so weight has just been falling off of me.  I don't know if it was house stress or Michael stress or the fact that all my lupus meds say "may cause extreme weight loss" but, I no longer really pay attention or care.  I signed up for the mamapop losers because it is fun and Doug said "I'm not sure this is such a good idea."  I work out on the wii everyday and now, none of my clothes fit.

So I escaped to the mall on Saturday for the torture that is jeans shopping.  And after two hours (!) and discovering that it doesn't matter if you are a size smaller all jeans still look terrible on you, I sucked it up and hit the really expensive jeans department at Nordstrom.  And I tried on those brands that would never, ever, have fit me a short lifetime ago.  Those really expensive brands that only certain girls could fit into.  And they fit, and not even the biggest sizes.  But I looked at the price tag and decided it no longer mattered that I could fit into $200 jeans and walked across the hall into another department.  And I said to the salesclerk, "those jeans over there are too young for me, and these jeans are too old for me.  Don't you have any 30 year old jeans in this store?"  And she laughed and told me to go downstairs.

And I did.  And bought two pair for the price of the truly expensive jeans I could have bought upstairs.  And some cords that were seriously on sale, 2 sizes smaller than I normally wear. 

And then I came home and got dressed up for a date night with my husband, where we shared a bottle of wine and I had a fantastic espresso creme brulee for dessert.  Because while I like my new size, I like my life even more.

And then I worked out extra hard on Sunday to maintain it.