I have been following this post pretty closely. I love the writer, and her son sounds exactly like Michael (except at a better school then we were.) And then the comments turned in a direction that totally and utterly freaked me out.
Michael is extraordinarily risk adverse. If he is not perfect at something he will not do it. He won't ride a bike, or write his name (no my almost 5 year old is not writing his name and NO I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AND NO HE IS NOT DYSLEXIC AND YES HE HAS BEEN TESTED FOR LEARNING DISABILITIES AND NO I'M NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT IT), or swim. But we recently enrolled him in a gymnastics class. And that risk aversion, that I won't do it, I won't participate, No Mommy, No Mommy, No Mommy stuff just doesn't exist there.
(sorry for the grainy in motion iphone pictures.)
His teacher even got him to cross the monkey bars. Michael has been terrified of the monkey bars since he fell off about 6 months ago. But she asked him and he said no. And then she asked him again and he said no. And then this happened about 6 more times and she finally told him he didn't have a choice, and he did it. And later he told me this was his favorite part of class.
I have no idea what any of this means, except I am choosing to believe that it means he is going to be fine. Because I refuse to believe anything less.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s great that he was willing to participate! I remember that I was I was a kid I was painfully shy and often redused to participate in anything new. My parents kep encouraging me and eventually I got better about it.
I read the article you linked to and noticed one of the first comments. It suggested karate. I would like to second that suggestion. I took tae kwon do as a kid (11-18) and it really helped me overcome my fears. I also taught little kids’ classes and it’s amazing how much it helped kids with poor self-control. If you find a martial arts school with a patient teacher who is good with kids, it can really be wonderful for them, espeically in terms of developing confidence and self-control. I would happy to talk more about my experiences over e-mail if you like or on Twitter (@thinkc).
It sounds like things are improving. Congratulations!
of course he’s going to be fine. you know it in your heart, even while you worry.
He is fine and he will be fine. I’m glad he was willing to participate and the teacher got him to do something he was so against in the first place. There is hope even for kids who just know what they want and won’t budge.
Hi, Jodi – It’s me again. I can’t help myself. I hope you’ll take another look at that other mom’s post. Her son is in a developmentally inappropriate program that would be boring for most kids that age. A strong-minded child is not likely to do well in an overly structured, inappropriate program no matter now nice the teacher may be. Her family may very well have a trait for stubbornness. Add to that she plans to build even MORE controls – behavior modification, sticker charts?? Could that reflect how the family has tried to deal with that long line of stubborn out-of-the box thinkers? Not likely to be successful. As an early childhood educator, I saw red flags all over that other story that I do not see in yours. If Michael can do so well in gymnastics – it means he can do anything but sometimes he just chooses not to. That’s a lot better than not being able to. Who cares if he doesn’t write his name yet. Does he have paychecks or contracts to sign?? I didn’t learn to ride a bike till I was 10. My daughter was the same way -but when we were ready – we learned in a snap! Brilliant that you found gymnastics for him. Brilliant that his teacher gave him time, then demanded he try monkey bars. Brilliant that he allowed himself to break out of his pattern to take charge of enjoying what he wants to enjoy – AND he’s good at it! That’s a lot of brilliance at work. Sorry to keep handing you my two cents- but your stories always get to me!
Go Michael!! He will be fine. He IS fine.
Geez thanks for criticizing my parenting a little more, Karen. Anything else you’d like to add? Would you like to come raise my hold for me? I would think that an “early childhood educator” worth her salt would realize that she couldn’t possibly know enough about either my child or his preschool program after reading about a few activities that occur in the classroom. From your alarm I’d think the kids were strapped to their desks trying to learn a slide rule at 3. And, of course, I’m sure it’s all compounded by the fact that every female in my family has been a horrible mother.
Reread your comment. It’s about us unhelpful as those suggesting ADD and medication. I may be a horrible mother in your view – although I’m pretty damn sure you’re more full of opinions than any actual wisdom – but I think you’re a bitch.
Thanks so much for the support. I love it when other women are so helpful.
Jodi, I think you’re completely right that Michael will be fine. Sorry to bring dra to your blog. I just can’t keep my mouth shut when ignorant people won’t keep theirs shut.
And sorry for the typos. I’m on my phone.
*rant against all those other parents who are bothering you*
ok–if i keep finding out this stuff i may never become a parent. not b/c of kids but b/c of OTHER FCKING PARENTS. you think you kid is fine and then everyone yells at you that he isn’t and then you are frazzled and he, i am sure, feels this anxiety off of you and then you are defensive b/c he is your only child…wash rinse repeat. WTF people?
everyone is different. that doesn’t mean broken. it just means different.
i just love how everyone fancies themselves the parents of baby einstein. oh shut up, no you aren’t. it isn’t necessary to love all things, all people and write your first novel by age 6. just stop it people. it is just ridiculous. and unrealistic.
for the record–i didn’t write my name until kindergarten. and i was always in honors/advanced/whatever and have an effing masters degree! so sck on that people!
(sorry if that was super harsh. but these people bothering you are really getting to me.)
and when he feels like learning to ride a bike or swim or whatever–he will let you know! my gawd people.
Sounds like the perfect activity for him! I can kind of understand feeling like that. I don’t like being watched.. doing anything. It’s kind of borderline social anxiety. It gets better though, and I hope it does for him as well.
Michael isn’t going to BE FINE because he IS FINE! From an objective aunt