Have I told you lately how much I love you? Because really, you guys? Between the emails, the tweets, the comments? You guys rock. Every comment, every email. I'm not sure I could have survived this before the blog. This is why I started jodifur. For the response on posts like this. Because I was jumping off the deep end, and there you all were, ready to catch me.
And poor Mir. How can you not love Mir. She thought she offended me by the mere suggestion that hey, maybe I should listen to the school, maybe there is something there? And no, no, no. I was not offended. And yes, yes, yes. I get it. Michael's behavior in school is not normal. So, just this week we have a pediatrician appointment and an OT evaluation. I have made a development pediatrician appointment (for February, but what can you do?), and called our county's early intervention services. His therapist will observe him in school AND talk to last years teachers. We will figure this thing out. Maybe it is the school, maybe he has every learning disability known to man. The truth, unfortunately, will probably lie somewhere in the middle.
After my breakdown over the weekend, which involved everything from us pulling Michael from the school immediately to Michael never being able to be Bar Mitzvaed (one of my best friends is a rabbi, she quashed that one), I realized that it was not the information they were presenting to me that was the problem. Could Michael have ADHD? Sure. Could he have SPD? Maybe. But I can not express the sheer ridiculousness of some of their statements "Michael will never make it in public school but will never qualify for early intervention services." Huh? How does that even make sense?
I have stepped away from google and stepped into the light. We will figure this thing out. Burying my head in the sand and pretending there are no problems gets me no where. But let's figure out what the problem is before we jump off the deep end again.
At least, that is what I tell myself in the middle of the night when I have my deepest scariest, "how am I going to do this?" thoughts creep in. My "I only have one child why can't he be okay?" pity party moments.
I still don't even know what this is. And he is okay. And really, I even want me to shut up.
I hope it is nothing. I want it to be nothing. I want the school to just be a "bad fit." But if it is not, we have to get him help. I can't deny him that because I'm too busy being mad at the school to admit the truth.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
You wouldn’t have kept your head buried in the sand for long – he’s your baby and you want the best for him. Being mad at the school is fine because no matter what, you’re going to get answers. I hope nothing is ‘wrong’ with him, too, but if there is, you can handle it. That’s what we’re all here for. =)
There is a reason humans walk on two legs, it’s so we cannot race ahead of ourselves all that easily. Take it one step at a time gather the information as you go, think of each as a puzzle piece and you will have the big picture in a few weeks. It’s going to be okay! You are doing all the right things. : )
You are doing all the right things, including the evaluations. Get the information you need, and then you can make better decisions. I’ve dealt with issues with my older daughter, and it is hard to be objective when you love them soooo much.
You are a great mom. Remember that.
You’ve got the right attitude and right plan. You’ll get there. I’ve never been there, but I’d bet dollars to donuts that those ugly feelings are more than normal in everything that you’re dealing with.
Speaking as a teacher, good for you for being so concerned and involved in problem-solving, and… Oh, hey, donuts… I think Headless Mom is onto something. Definitely need donuts.
spoken like a true mom. one who loves her son. sending hugs. and chocolate. and wine.
xo
And there you go again with such positivity and good energy and the amazing Mom stuff. You’re an inspiration. Hang in there.
xo
It’ll work out. I know you’re probably just as tired of hearing that. My little brother was told he’d never learn to read. Because he had ADD. Except he didn’t have ADD and he can read just peachy. In fact, he knew how to read a little when they said that. Use your own doctors, that’s all I’ve got to say. And good luck, sweetie, we’re here for you.
Michael will be perfectly fine because YOU are his biggest advocate. You are doing all the right things, now let the professionals do what they do and see how it all plays out. Good luck!
I would imagine it’s terrifying, thinking that your child is even slightly out of the “norm” and would need any sort of “special” services. Good for you for looking at all sides of the equation. Michael is lucky to have you.
I will tell you this, that fact that if it is something that you are willing to do whatever it is to help him speaks volumes. You’d be surprised at the number of parents when faced with problems their children may have bury their heads in the sand and refuse to deal with them, much to the child’s detriment.
YOU are a great parent!
The statement about not making it in public schools, I think that’s probably accurate and inaccurate at the same time. When we had the BoyChild in public schools, they said, “his behaviors are unacceptable and therefore we want to send him home.” However, when I said, “o.k. what are you going to do about these problems?” Their response was: nothing. The BoyChild didn’t qualify for any services because his problems were not “negatively effecting his educational experience,” i.e. he learned more, or better, or maybe was just smarter than 75% of the kids there. So. They may be telling you the truth about him not doing well but they won’t do anything for him. That was my experience in the public schools in any event.
The statement about not making it in public schools, I think that’s probably accurate and inaccurate at the same time. When we had the BoyChild in public schools, they said, “his behaviors are unacceptable and therefore we want to send him home.” However, when I said, “o.k. what are you going to do about these problems?” Their response was: nothing. The BoyChild didn’t qualify for any services because his problems were not “negatively effecting his educational experience,” i.e. he learned more, or better, or maybe was just smarter than 75% of the kids there. So. They may be telling you the truth about him not doing well but they won’t do anything for him. That was my experience in the public schools in any event.
The statement about not making it in public schools, I think that’s probably accurate and inaccurate at the same time. When we had the BoyChild in public schools, they said, “his behaviors are unacceptable and therefore we want to send him home.” However, when I said, “o.k. what are you going to do about these problems?” Their response was: nothing. The BoyChild didn’t qualify for any services because his problems were not “negatively effecting his educational experience,” i.e. he learned more, or better, or maybe was just smarter than 75% of the kids there. So. They may be telling you the truth about him not doing well but they won’t do anything for him. That was my experience in the public schools in any event.
The statement about not making it in public schools, I think that’s probably accurate and inaccurate at the same time. When we had the BoyChild in public schools, they said, “his behaviors are unacceptable and therefore we want to send him home.” However, when I said, “o.k. what are you going to do about these problems?” Their response was: nothing. The BoyChild didn’t qualify for any services because his problems were not “negatively effecting his educational experience,” i.e. he learned more, or better, or maybe was just smarter than 75% of the kids there. So. They may be telling you the truth about him not doing well but they won’t do anything for him. That was my experience in the public schools in any event.
Nobody’s kids are the definition of “normal.” They all have individual needs, but that does not mean they won’t be fabulous kids who grow up to be fabulous adults!! One step at a time — evaluation, then figure out what to do. You can do this, mom!!
I’m glad you’re getting him checked – maybe there’s an issue, maybe not, but that’s the right move. More info.
Good luck.
He is lucky to have you in his corner!
Wow. They actually said to you that your child would never make it in public school? That is way out of line, and completely false for almost every child. How dare they say that to you? I’m mad for you.
But, good for you for critically listening.
And I know what you mean about the support from social media. It’s changed my life. (And Jack’s too.)
xxxooo
Good thoughts and prayers to you…
He’ll probably end up winning a Noble Prize
Moms always manage to pull it together and do what we have to for our kids. Give yourself a little time to settle down so you can focus. It’s all going to work out. You are going to find the strength and the resources and you will be the very best advocate for your child. The best!