Michael changed schools last month, and it has not been the smoothest of transitions. He says he loves his new school/camp, and never asks about his old school, but he gets in trouble EVERY DAY. He was never a behavior problem at his old school. Now, he has also become a holy terror demon child at home as well. He spends more time in time out than not, and "go to your room" is uttered 100 times a day around here. I don't believe in hitting kids, but I'm beginning to understand it. A little.
Everything is a fight. Last night he screamed for 45 minutes after bedtime that he wanted DIFFERENT PAJAMAS. When I told him to go to bed or he would lose all of his privileges, no tv and I would throw all of his toys in the garbage, he told me "they wouldn't fit." Alrighty then.
It got to the point where everytime I picked him up at school I get a litany of everything he had done wrong that day. I finally told them that if they wanted to have a meeting with me we could do that, but there was nothing I could do about a daily report of time outs, and not listening, and not being quiet during quiet time. What did they want me to do?
I know that the stress level around these parts is really, really high. And he is reacting to the school change. And he is 4. And I have been trying to discipline him and remember all of this. Until I picked him up at school yesterday to be told he called one of the teacher's aides a Bitch. I didn't even know he knew that word. I very rarely swear. That is not a word we use in my house. I about fell over.
So, since beating the crap out of him is out, and I'm not washing his mouth out with soap, I sent him to his room. And made him apologize in the morning. And told him if ever, called anyone that word again, ever, he would lose all of his toys, forever.
I am never going to survive four.
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We’re going through the exact same thing w/my 3 1/2 year old. We do this every time there is a transition, because he is not one to easily adjust. The transition for him this time is because one of his teachers at preschool left and was replaced.
My son comes out of his room at least three times a night requesting to “be covered up” again. He also has started with the “you’re not my friend” and the “i hate you”s. We did hear Bitch awhile ago, but it only lasted about a week. But? It originally surfaced when he screamed “YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH” at a random old lady in the grocery store. So, awesome.
Transitions are hard for anyone ..let it be grown ups or children..but I think it is more on the new teachers responsibility to make him comfortable in the new setting..the behaviour he is showing at home is just the consequence and just reprimanding that wont help him adjust in the school. Good Luck!
Oh my! What a change. Hopefully he’ll settle down once the move is settled and done with.
But on the “bad school reports,” I don’t know what to do either. Nicky never had these before, but lately there have been several and I don’t really know what to do. I scold him for it in front of the teacher, I suppose that’s what they expect, but I don’t think punishing him when we get home is going to make much of a connection to something he did 6 hours ago. He’s 3 for pete’s sake.
If you do get written reports of some kind, I suppose you could try rewarding him for the good reports. That’s what we did for my students when I was a teacher. (Much older kids, but still, the principle is sound.)
You have to wonder though, is it something he’s seeing and mimicking from the new school? Especially since he didn’t learn that word from home. I worry about that all the time.
oh wow. that is…oh dear. amazing what they find to say even when you have never said it. little scary. course, we are not in the days where people are careful what they say in public. i have to remind myself to clean up my mouth frequently. but the things i hear people say in target! on the street! on the bus! it is amazing. and not in a good way.
Four is hard. I hear you on the teachers telling you about all the “bad” things your child has done while he was in their care, and thinking that telling you about it will make you find a way to just fix it and have it not happen again. I mean, come on, they are 4, and as much as we would like for them to be perfect… well they’re just not, they’re pushing buttons, trying to see what they can get away with, with different people, that’s just what 4 yrs old do. And as the mom to a 4 yrs old who has a hard time with transitions/changes, I know it’s no fun. It’s even worse when your kid is behind as far as talking goes, and she can’t tell you what’s happening at school that could explain the behavior.
Hang in there, and if nothing else, you know you have a safe outlet to vent all you need to, with noone judging. Anyone who’s dealing with a 4 yrs old, or has dealt with one, can understand you.
Don’t you wonder, too, if maybe he’s having a major personality conflict with his teacher(s)? Because that makes it worse, and any kid who feels like he’s GOING to get in trouble at school is going to keep on pushing those buttons. It’s not fair for the teachers to keep expecting you to make it all better.
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to bash on teachers. There are some wonderful ones out there…. but there are some crappy ones, too. I’ve been through the constantly complaining teacher while my son continued to act up.
Eeek. That’s a big one. I’m sure the stress of moving is worrying him but also, ditto on the other comment, maybe he doesn’t like one of the teachers or there is another student provoking him? Can you monitor him there one day, drop by unexpected, watch through a one way mirror? I’m sure THIS adds to your stress too. Hope it all works out.
I totally feel guilty for telling you that 4 is easier than 3 now! I guess every child is different. You are completely right to request a meeting instead of hearing every negative thing when you walk in to pick him up. I had the same complaint about my childcare with my 1 1/2 year old.
I will think good thoughts for things to get easier for you.
Yikes, that is a tough one. Hopefully once you are moved and settled, the stress will subside and things will improve.
At the same time, I am tearing up because I am not surviving age 3 and I was hoping it would get easier at 4. (gulp)
Here’s what someone told me about parenting (after my now 5-month-old was born): “It never gets easier, it just gets…different.” I am beginning to believe it.
Long time reader, first time commenter (I think…LOL).
Four is hard, but the teen years are awful. My kids are now 16 and almost 13. I distinctly remember getting that note that said my 3 yr old daughter had called her teacher a bitch, even have the letter somewhere still. Actually, she told her not to be such a bitch…haha!
I’m sure he’s adjusting, the teachers should be making it easier.
Oh and a little smack on the hiney or a tiny bit of soap never hurt either…LOL!!!
Good luck!
I agree with some of the previous posters that his new school does not seem to be doing a good job of helping him with this transition. Giving you the “naughty report” when you pick him up, is not only USELESS to you (as it sounds like he has already had discipline at school it would not be appropriate to just RE-discipline him at home) AND it is definitely NOT good if they are telling you all these things IN FRONT OF HIM! He will start to believe that all they see is the bad stuff, so why try to be good. Maybe you can meet with them and develop a plan about how everyone can tackle the negative behavior more positively. Can they work on ONE type of disruptive behavior at a time. Maybe they start with the being quiet at “quiet time” and make a BIG deal when he does it well. When that is better, work on the listening, or the other behaviors. THEY need to make him WANT to behave for them. You can’t do it from home. As for the behavior at home… oy. Maybe you can start to give him some more responsibility for making his own choices? (You may already do this… just my total two cents…) My son (who JUST turned four on the 2nd) has also had the melt downs at night about the pajamas… When I started letting him pick his own jammies, and made sure that we stuck to a routine about bedtime, and that he wasn’t overtired, stopped the screaming. I say, “If you can’t pick, Mommy will pick for you, and you will loose your choice.” If he picks the footy pajamas when it is 100 degrees, I let him. When he complains about being hot or sweaty, I remind him of that the next time he is picking. As an elementary teacher, I can say, that you were RIGHT to ask them to either meet with you, or suck it up. You pay them, and they need to do a bit more to earn your money. I hope it gets better.
Clearly, he’s going through some transition issues, but he may be like my oldest son, who is far more motivated by positive reinforcement than negative. He would get into huge trouble in school, in part because he felt if he screwed up once that was it for the whole day, so why should he bother? We had a conference with his teacher the second week of school last year. We set up a contract where at certain check points during the day, if he was good, he got a sticker. When he got a certain number of stickers, he got some kind of reward. It worked well. Maybe Michael would respond more positively to positive reinforcement, rewarding good behavior, than the negative, penalizing/punishing bad behavior?
It’s funny, just today I was thinking I would never survive two. And now I hear that four is just as bad. I’m screwed.
I know I’ve always said, two is bad, three is worse and four will kill you but I was REALLY REALLY hoping someone would disprove that, and now I am terrified.
Am going to curl up in a ball and die now…Brandon turns four next month!
Remind me to buy you a drink or give you a hug or SOMETHING at BlogHer. My 3.5 year old has gone from being the sweetest child ever to just plain ugliness. He hits, throws things, and is generally mean and ugly to everyone. I want to cry several times a day. It makes me feel better that I’m not the only one dealing with this. And mine does get an occasional swat when nothing else works. Like when he’s in his room screaming and throwing anything he can find at his bedroom door.
Where are the people with 5-year-olds to tell us it gets better?
as a non-parent i find this post equally funny (but scary for times to come!) i think it’s the way you wrote it that made it funny.
“they won’t fit.” (blame it on genes!)