Can We Just Stop Talking About Weight?

I have spent my whole life thinking I was fat.  Even when I was thin, I thought I was fat.  Seriously.  I look at pictures of me from my wedding and I was wasting away.  But still, I thought I was fat.  With the amount of time and attention I have paid to my weight over the years I could have cured cancer.  Or at least put a really good dent into it.  I'm already worried about the weight I was gain on my Disney vacation and I guarantee I will workout everyday on the cruise.  Why?  Because I am crazy.

Am I happier?  No.  Am I thinner?  Probably not.  Am I completely insane?  Absolutely.

What we do to girls.  The focus on weight is insane.  Oprah is talking about it.  Jessica Simpson is not fat people!  Dumb maybe, but not fat.

Doug recently told me he was glad we did not have a daughter.  He was concerned I would transfer my poor self esteem and poor body image issues on to her.  And he is right, I probably would. 

A woman's self worth should come from so much more than her bra size or her jean size.  I love what Dove is doing.  The Campaign for Real Beauty and The Self Esteem Fund puts the focus back where it should be, on brains, not beauty.  You can visit www.campaignforrealbeauty.com to download free self-esteem building tools for girls, moms and mentors.

Because in the end, we are all beautiful, no matter what weight we are.

And I'm going to try to remember that when I'm wearing a bathing suit next week.

Comments

[Vicki]

This is a great post because I can really relate to it. I've spent a lot of my life thinking about body issues as well. Unfortunately, as great as the Dove campaign was, there are now rumors floating around that it was photoshopped: http://arm.in/Je

[Wendy]

I came across a photo of me the other day from about 10 years ago. I thought I was HUGE. I would love to be that size again.

[Janna]

I love the title of your post. I feel that way every day when I talk to my Mom and sister. They are obsessed. I am also glad I can't pass on my weird food issues to a daughter!

[Darcey]

Ok, I totally get what Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty is doing. I love the "Transformation" video of the already beautiful model being turned into silly putty via photoshop to create someone that doesn't even exist.

However, my only issue comes from the fact that Dove is a Unilever brand. Unilever, who also owns Slim*Fast (talk about weight loss) and the male-centric, women-as-sex-objects brand, Axe.

[Cagey]

I have to say, Dove has done a mighty stellar job with the ole marketing wheel. Here, in the US, they market this whole real beauty campaign to us while in Asia they market skin whitening products to gals already feeling insecure about their dark skin. My friend Monkey had an entertaining take on it: http://monkeyinasuit.wordpress.com/2007/06/01/politics-of-desi-the-new-consumerism-and-our-old-prejudices/

That said, I never had an esteem problem with my weight until my first serious boyfriend MADE it a problem. *sigh* I wish I could throttle my 18 year old self now.

I have a son and a daughter. I am acutely aware of how unfair of all of this is because I don't worry about these things with my son, yet I was already worrying about these things with my daughter while she was still in utero. And it is such a fine line - you want your daughter to be pretty, attractive because that does make life easier. But on the other hand, I don't want her to be drop dead gorgeous because I want her to be taken seriously in life for her thoughts, ideas and actions --- NOT her beauty. Argh!

[JZMom]

I'm with Doug - I have two boys and, repeatedly, say that I'm so glad that my inherited-from-my-mom, who-inherited-from-her-mom, who-inherited-from-her-mom issues will not get passed down to another generation. And, I totally look at old pictures and wish I looked like that now, and know that, in ten years, I'm probably going to look at pictures from now and wish I looked like this. I'm trying to remember that, and just be okay with what I look like right now. I'll let you know if I figure out how to do that...

[Sarah]

I could not agree more. Having a daughter I totally worry about the image of beauty society will push on her...weight, make up, etc. I just hope the image and values my husband and I instill will be enough to combat that.

[FishyGirl]

I have an oddly weird problem, and that's that I was skinny most of my life. I didn't inherit my mother's weight issues, and I really don't think I'm doing anything that will pass any body issues on to my kids. However, I never ever learned how to live in healthy ways, because my weight was never an issue, so I struggle now, with putting in place the good habits I need to be fit. My husband likes curves, so even if I take it all off, he'll be driving me nuts sabotaging me to make sure I put enough of it back on. I'm not even really concerned about the weight, I just want to be healthy.

[Hilary]

You're absolutely right and I definitely hope you keep it in mind next week and every day. It's hard, I know.

[Sheri]

Women can't win....you gain and people call you fat, you lose and people think you have an eating disorder.

I used to weigh 117 lbs in high school. My parents always told me I could lose about 10 more pounds. I didn't enjoy it. Now I would kill to weigh 160.

[Wife and Mommy]

Well said Jodi. I need to learn that beauty is not a number on the scale.

[Stacy]

I totally relate to what you are saying and I'm battling baby weight and no time for exercise right now and it bugs me that I am inclined to pinch my waist and say something shitty about myself. I, too, love what Dove is doing.

It's so much easier to say this to others than to believe it for myself but it kills me to see you struggling with this because you are beautiful, you glow, you have a radiance about you. I've seen you at parties, wine in hand, natch, when you laugh that full-body head-tossed back laugh you are genuine and animated and ... it just kills me that while THAT is my image of you (smiling, laughing ...) yours is something less positive that is superficial and exterior.

I'm going to make MARCH a month to focus on positive self affirmations, or something less cheesy -- maybe you can help me in March with my other website?? www.30daystobetter.com -- I want you to feel better about yourself because you more than a size, more than a thigh jiggle, more than a pinchable waist line, you are an incredible person, a mother ... etc ... life is too short to worry about it.

[BananaBlueberry]

AMEN!

I'm not a huge fan of Jessica Simpson But this is ridiculous -
how much grief she's getting !!!!

[ioio]

sorry, but if jessica wants to play the whole sex-object but christian preacher's daughter who wears cut-off shorts so short the pockets show but when she gains a few doesn't want people to call her fat--that's where i draw the line. if these people are freaky enough to be in showbusiness and not have to deal with the issues of perfection should get out of the business. if your body is your job and your image and you don't want to hear about it, get out of the kitchen. i'm not saying what we do to people in the media is right, but that's a factor of the game. if you want to be a garbage man you have to smell garbage during work, an olympic athlete has to be disciplined about weight, diet, and body, so if you want to be a star and get paid the bucks you have to put up with never eating, spending all your money on facials, and live like a sad crazy person who gets knocked down on gossip blogs because that's what it means to be a star in america.

again, i don't agree with it, but that's the job. size zero. blonde, big boobs, perfect face...etc.

i just have no sympathy for millionaire stars who cry boo-hoo.

and jodi you're not fat.

[Damselfly]

I agree -- we're conditioned to think we're fat. I'm with Wendy. I remember being 110 pounds in junior high and thinking I was fat. Now ... I wish!

[Angela]

RE ioio's post.

I can see where you're coming from BUT...

it's exactly that attitude in the media and hollywood that causes people NOT in the limelight to have unrealistic ideas about body image. What's the matter with actors and actresses who look normal? Can't they be beautiful and excellent actors without having to have surgery/starve/be photoshopped?

And if not, why not?

[ioio]

i agree with you 100% damselfly, but sorry-- i have yet to see any woman in the entire world have a realistic idea about her body image. so what's the big deal about hollywood putting it out there for us all to see? hollywood isn't the only person promoting a perfect body image. i got my stunted body image, like jodi's husband said, from my mother NOT from some magazine i saw as a young girl. i doubt you judge your thighs on a Hollywood starlet but moreso on your own expectations.

do you think you'd have a realistic view on your body if you knew you were photographed by millions of people and etched on film for the rest of history?

i'm not harping on you, but i just don't get this whole "hollywood is ruining women" ploy feminists are making when we know all too well it's just a cover for our own insecurities...

best to you and may we all just look in the mirror and love ourselves no matter what--even though it is so hard not to see the flaws. i recommend the movie, "what the bleep do we know" to work on re-working those synapses of negative thoughts!

[Andrea]

Amen, Jodi! I struggle with this everyday. It's worse after Kaelin came. I am so much more self conscious about my body now. I need to let it go.

[Kristabella]

Very true!

And seriously, Jessica Simpson just has very poor taste. She's not fat. She's just wearing the WRONG CLOTHES.