My thesis in college was on serial killers. Yes, I wrote a 100 page paper on serial killers. Incidentally, when my father found out he asked me if he had done something wrong. And, ironically, if I watch a scary movie, or even a scary movie preview, I can't sleep.
The hallmark of each and every killer I studied was a lack of empathy. They were lacking a conscious.
One day last week when I picked Michael up from daycare my daycare provider informed me Michael had hit another child with a toy. And, when she put him in time out, he laughed. He could care less he was being punished.
I have a similar problem at home. Time outs don't work, taking toys away don't work, in short, nothing works. I've thought about telling him no TV, but since he normally doesn't watch TV until after dinner, I'm not sure if he will get it. If he hits at noon, will he understand no TV at 6? I don't think so. And I don't believe in hitting children, so spanking is not an option for me. And, even if I did believe in spanking, hitting for hitting makes no sense.
I worry he doesn't have a conscious.
The night of the hitting incident, I asked him to tell Doug what had happened and he didn't want to. He looked ashamed.
New punishment, he has to tell Daddy every single thing he does wrong in a day. We may have to build in some more time at bedtime.
Sometimes I Am Absolutely Convinced I Am Raising a Serial Killer
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{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
Having to tell Daddy is a great idea! We do that here and it has been really effective.
Having to tell Daddy is a great idea! We do that here and it has been really effective.
Having to tell Daddy is a great idea! We do that here and it has been really effective.
Having to tell Daddy is a great idea! We do that here and it has been really effective.
You know someone was doing a paper on serial killers when we were in high school, and she told me *I* had some of the trademarks of a serial killer? I still don’t know what those trademarks are. I definitely have empathy… too much sometimes.
Anyway, I might have to try this “tell Daddy” tactic for O’s biting. He usually cries if he gets put in timeout, but I think mostly it’s because he’s mad, not because he feels bad. He says “soggie” and hugs his friends, but I still don’t think he gets it. He’s only 22 months though.
But we’d have to do the “tell Daddy over the phone thing” and well, not sure that would be as effective.
By the way, I don’t think you are raising a serial killer. I think lots of kids do this. How old is David?
You know someone was doing a paper on serial killers when we were in high school, and she told me *I* had some of the trademarks of a serial killer? I still don’t know what those trademarks are. I definitely have empathy… too much sometimes.
Anyway, I might have to try this “tell Daddy” tactic for O’s biting. He usually cries if he gets put in timeout, but I think mostly it’s because he’s mad, not because he feels bad. He says “soggie” and hugs his friends, but I still don’t think he gets it. He’s only 22 months though.
But we’d have to do the “tell Daddy over the phone thing” and well, not sure that would be as effective.
By the way, I don’t think you are raising a serial killer. I think lots of kids do this. How old is David?
You know someone was doing a paper on serial killers when we were in high school, and she told me *I* had some of the trademarks of a serial killer? I still don’t know what those trademarks are. I definitely have empathy… too much sometimes.
Anyway, I might have to try this “tell Daddy” tactic for O’s biting. He usually cries if he gets put in timeout, but I think mostly it’s because he’s mad, not because he feels bad. He says “soggie” and hugs his friends, but I still don’t think he gets it. He’s only 22 months though.
But we’d have to do the “tell Daddy over the phone thing” and well, not sure that would be as effective.
By the way, I don’t think you are raising a serial killer. I think lots of kids do this. How old is David?
You know someone was doing a paper on serial killers when we were in high school, and she told me *I* had some of the trademarks of a serial killer? I still don’t know what those trademarks are. I definitely have empathy… too much sometimes.
Anyway, I might have to try this “tell Daddy” tactic for O’s biting. He usually cries if he gets put in timeout, but I think mostly it’s because he’s mad, not because he feels bad. He says “soggie” and hugs his friends, but I still don’t think he gets it. He’s only 22 months though.
But we’d have to do the “tell Daddy over the phone thing” and well, not sure that would be as effective.
By the way, I don’t think you are raising a serial killer. I think lots of kids do this. How old is David?
You wrote your thesis on serial killers? I bet that was SUPER interesting! Not that I would want to be a serial killer or anything, but to look at the differences between them and the rest of the ‘normal’ world would be fascinating.
And reading what I just wrote makes me realized what a nerd I am.
I think that every kid has time-out issues at one point or another. But hey, if telling Daddy about it solves the problem, then all the better!
You wrote your thesis on serial killers? I bet that was SUPER interesting! Not that I would want to be a serial killer or anything, but to look at the differences between them and the rest of the ‘normal’ world would be fascinating.
And reading what I just wrote makes me realized what a nerd I am.
I think that every kid has time-out issues at one point or another. But hey, if telling Daddy about it solves the problem, then all the better!
You wrote your thesis on serial killers? I bet that was SUPER interesting! Not that I would want to be a serial killer or anything, but to look at the differences between them and the rest of the ‘normal’ world would be fascinating.
And reading what I just wrote makes me realized what a nerd I am.
I think that every kid has time-out issues at one point or another. But hey, if telling Daddy about it solves the problem, then all the better!
You wrote your thesis on serial killers? I bet that was SUPER interesting! Not that I would want to be a serial killer or anything, but to look at the differences between them and the rest of the ‘normal’ world would be fascinating.
And reading what I just wrote makes me realized what a nerd I am.
I think that every kid has time-out issues at one point or another. But hey, if telling Daddy about it solves the problem, then all the better!
Isabella is doing the same thing. She can careless about time-outs or punishments. But she is hitting and thinking it’s funny, and she won’t tell daddy either!
It’s a good idea and I hope it works for you.
Isabella is doing the same thing. She can careless about time-outs or punishments. But she is hitting and thinking it’s funny, and she won’t tell daddy either!
It’s a good idea and I hope it works for you.
Isabella is doing the same thing. She can careless about time-outs or punishments. But she is hitting and thinking it’s funny, and she won’t tell daddy either!
It’s a good idea and I hope it works for you.
Isabella is doing the same thing. She can careless about time-outs or punishments. But she is hitting and thinking it’s funny, and she won’t tell daddy either!
It’s a good idea and I hope it works for you.
great solution!
great solution!
great solution!
great solution!
I hope making him tell Doug works. I know that if Zoe does something wrong and Nick yells at her… she gets much more upset than when I yell at her.
I hope making him tell Doug works. I know that if Zoe does something wrong and Nick yells at her… she gets much more upset than when I yell at her.
I hope making him tell Doug works. I know that if Zoe does something wrong and Nick yells at her… she gets much more upset than when I yell at her.
I hope making him tell Doug works. I know that if Zoe does something wrong and Nick yells at her… she gets much more upset than when I yell at her.
Why is it telling us Mom’s is ok, but telling Daddy has ‘power’?
This works at our house too. One on hand I’m glad he has no problem telling me his ‘wrong’ choices, but I wish I could put the fear into him like his father does too.
Why is it telling us Mom’s is ok, but telling Daddy has ‘power’?
This works at our house too. One on hand I’m glad he has no problem telling me his ‘wrong’ choices, but I wish I could put the fear into him like his father does too.
Why is it telling us Mom’s is ok, but telling Daddy has ‘power’?
This works at our house too. One on hand I’m glad he has no problem telling me his ‘wrong’ choices, but I wish I could put the fear into him like his father does too.
Why is it telling us Mom’s is ok, but telling Daddy has ‘power’?
This works at our house too. One on hand I’m glad he has no problem telling me his ‘wrong’ choices, but I wish I could put the fear into him like his father does too.
Hi there… I found your blog via your comment on Sweetney and I just had to comment on this one.
A few months ago, my daughters and I saw a man literally jump onto a busy street (he was jogging). So we discussed road safety. The little one observed that being run over by a car must be very painful. I agreed and added that it is also a horrible experience for the driver. The little one thought for a second and responded “yes, because then blood splashes all over your car”.
!!!!!
The older one was quick to point out that it’s a horrible experience to injure another person and the little one responded with a faint “oh”.
It made me really worried that the little one seriously lacks in the empathy department. My husband thinks it’s just her age and that yes, she is not as sensitive as the older one, but he thinks it’s a normal reaction for a five years old.
See? I am raising a serial killer too.
Hi there… I found your blog via your comment on Sweetney and I just had to comment on this one.
A few months ago, my daughters and I saw a man literally jump onto a busy street (he was jogging). So we discussed road safety. The little one observed that being run over by a car must be very painful. I agreed and added that it is also a horrible experience for the driver. The little one thought for a second and responded “yes, because then blood splashes all over your car”.
!!!!!
The older one was quick to point out that it’s a horrible experience to injure another person and the little one responded with a faint “oh”.
It made me really worried that the little one seriously lacks in the empathy department. My husband thinks it’s just her age and that yes, she is not as sensitive as the older one, but he thinks it’s a normal reaction for a five years old.
See? I am raising a serial killer too.
Hi there… I found your blog via your comment on Sweetney and I just had to comment on this one.
A few months ago, my daughters and I saw a man literally jump onto a busy street (he was jogging). So we discussed road safety. The little one observed that being run over by a car must be very painful. I agreed and added that it is also a horrible experience for the driver. The little one thought for a second and responded “yes, because then blood splashes all over your car”.
!!!!!
The older one was quick to point out that it’s a horrible experience to injure another person and the little one responded with a faint “oh”.
It made me really worried that the little one seriously lacks in the empathy department. My husband thinks it’s just her age and that yes, she is not as sensitive as the older one, but he thinks it’s a normal reaction for a five years old.
See? I am raising a serial killer too.
Hi there… I found your blog via your comment on Sweetney and I just had to comment on this one.
A few months ago, my daughters and I saw a man literally jump onto a busy street (he was jogging). So we discussed road safety. The little one observed that being run over by a car must be very painful. I agreed and added that it is also a horrible experience for the driver. The little one thought for a second and responded “yes, because then blood splashes all over your car”.
!!!!!
The older one was quick to point out that it’s a horrible experience to injure another person and the little one responded with a faint “oh”.
It made me really worried that the little one seriously lacks in the empathy department. My husband thinks it’s just her age and that yes, she is not as sensitive as the older one, but he thinks it’s a normal reaction for a five years old.
See? I am raising a serial killer too.
Hee hee, sounds sort of like confession the way they do in the Catholic church. “Bless me, father, for I have sinned.”
It’s probably just Michael’s age.
Hee hee, sounds sort of like confession the way they do in the Catholic church. “Bless me, father, for I have sinned.”
It’s probably just Michael’s age.
Hee hee, sounds sort of like confession the way they do in the Catholic church. “Bless me, father, for I have sinned.”
It’s probably just Michael’s age.
Hee hee, sounds sort of like confession the way they do in the Catholic church. “Bless me, father, for I have sinned.”
It’s probably just Michael’s age.
BTW, serial killers?! That’s really heavy stuff.
BTW, serial killers?! That’s really heavy stuff.
BTW, serial killers?! That’s really heavy stuff.
BTW, serial killers?! That’s really heavy stuff.
I will not know what to do when I have kids. Because if he laughed, I would laugh. It’s like this woman at work, whose 12 year old kid, who is an excellent kid, was busted for drinking margaritas with her friend. And she was asking for punishment ideas. And I had NO idea because I didn’t do things like that when I was that age. I was a nerd. And my mom yelling was frightening enough to keep me out of doing any bad things.
I will not know what to do when I have kids. Because if he laughed, I would laugh. It’s like this woman at work, whose 12 year old kid, who is an excellent kid, was busted for drinking margaritas with her friend. And she was asking for punishment ideas. And I had NO idea because I didn’t do things like that when I was that age. I was a nerd. And my mom yelling was frightening enough to keep me out of doing any bad things.
I will not know what to do when I have kids. Because if he laughed, I would laugh. It’s like this woman at work, whose 12 year old kid, who is an excellent kid, was busted for drinking margaritas with her friend. And she was asking for punishment ideas. And I had NO idea because I didn’t do things like that when I was that age. I was a nerd. And my mom yelling was frightening enough to keep me out of doing any bad things.
I will not know what to do when I have kids. Because if he laughed, I would laugh. It’s like this woman at work, whose 12 year old kid, who is an excellent kid, was busted for drinking margaritas with her friend. And she was asking for punishment ideas. And I had NO idea because I didn’t do things like that when I was that age. I was a nerd. And my mom yelling was frightening enough to keep me out of doing any bad things.
Tom and I actually worry about this a lot too. we’ve both read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” and it’s about just that. I think all we can do is try to demonstrate empathy and encourage it and praise it when it’s exhibited.
I think the ability to feel shame is a part of it, and so many people seem hellbound to take shame out of children’s lives. Humiliation=bad, but shame isn’t the same thing as humiliation.
Tom and I actually worry about this a lot too. we’ve both read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” and it’s about just that. I think all we can do is try to demonstrate empathy and encourage it and praise it when it’s exhibited.
I think the ability to feel shame is a part of it, and so many people seem hellbound to take shame out of children’s lives. Humiliation=bad, but shame isn’t the same thing as humiliation.
Tom and I actually worry about this a lot too. we’ve both read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” and it’s about just that. I think all we can do is try to demonstrate empathy and encourage it and praise it when it’s exhibited.
I think the ability to feel shame is a part of it, and so many people seem hellbound to take shame out of children’s lives. Humiliation=bad, but shame isn’t the same thing as humiliation.
Tom and I actually worry about this a lot too. we’ve both read the book “The Sociopath Next Door” and it’s about just that. I think all we can do is try to demonstrate empathy and encourage it and praise it when it’s exhibited.
I think the ability to feel shame is a part of it, and so many people seem hellbound to take shame out of children’s lives. Humiliation=bad, but shame isn’t the same thing as humiliation.
I think it’s a phase kids go through where they test limits and responses. Rosie has been going through this — she can be very uncaring one minute but then sensitive the next. I know my older daughter is naturally more sensitive, but even she went through that phase where she didn’t care about punishment or how her actions impacted others.
I think if you’re noticing the same behaviors when he reaches elementary school, that would be the time to get worried. (But I don’t imagine that will be the case).
I think it’s a phase kids go through where they test limits and responses. Rosie has been going through this — she can be very uncaring one minute but then sensitive the next. I know my older daughter is naturally more sensitive, but even she went through that phase where she didn’t care about punishment or how her actions impacted others.
I think if you’re noticing the same behaviors when he reaches elementary school, that would be the time to get worried. (But I don’t imagine that will be the case).
I think it’s a phase kids go through where they test limits and responses. Rosie has been going through this — she can be very uncaring one minute but then sensitive the next. I know my older daughter is naturally more sensitive, but even she went through that phase where she didn’t care about punishment or how her actions impacted others.
I think if you’re noticing the same behaviors when he reaches elementary school, that would be the time to get worried. (But I don’t imagine that will be the case).
I think it’s a phase kids go through where they test limits and responses. Rosie has been going through this — she can be very uncaring one minute but then sensitive the next. I know my older daughter is naturally more sensitive, but even she went through that phase where she didn’t care about punishment or how her actions impacted others.
I think if you’re noticing the same behaviors when he reaches elementary school, that would be the time to get worried. (But I don’t imagine that will be the case).