There is Nothing Else To Say Today But This

You beat it once, you can do it again, all my love, friend.

I have another close friend who is battling the same horrendous disease.  She does not live her life online and her story is her own and I will not share it here because it is hers.  But I will say this, her story, and Susan's, have shaken me to my very core.  Our friends need all our support at times like this, even if it is something as silly as posting a badge on our blog, or cooking their kids dinner when they can't.

I love you both.

Cool Rider

Last year we desperately tried to get Michael on a bike.  And he said he wanted to, but really, he didn't.  Maybe he was scared, maybe it was the low muscle tone, maybe he just didn't want to.  Hell, I still don't know how to ride a bike, and I'm a well rounded, perfectly lovely individual (really, I am.)

About a week before his birthday, he started asking for a bike.  And I was all, yeah, whatever.  And he kept asking, and asking.  And then Doug took him to the the toy store to redeem some birthday gift cards the day after his party while I was at a blogger event and they came home with a bike.

And he got on it.  And pedaled.  And all the progress from this year can be found in these pictures.

He is not screaming, he is not crying, he is not begging to get off.  He looks, happy.  Like a normal, well adjusted, happy, 5 year old boy.

Now if we could just work on the talking back.  Because after the bike riding he got punished for being extremely sassy to me.  But my guess is this is also normal 5 year old behavior. 

  

5 Years

When I think about this year, it is so hard not to think about all the bad.  But I promised myself this post was not going to be about all the struggles that this year brought you, but all the good.

Michael, you have matured so much this year.  You are no longer afraid to try new things.  Yes, you still get scared, but you get scared and "you do it anyway."  You have overcome adversity in a way that I now know throughout your life you can do anything you want.

You are bright.  You are just oh so bright.  Even people this year who didn't believe in your abilities said that, so I know I'm not biased.  You ask amazing questions, like "why don't the stars fall down?"  and "are aliens real?""  and "how do we know?"  Questions I don't know the answers to.  You want to be a scientist when you grow up and I have no doubt that if this is what you want you will accomplish it.  You, can accomplish anything you want.

You have been counting down to this birthday with such anticipation.  Every morning this past week you have asked me if you are taller, "because I'm going to be five Mommy.  Five.  A whole hand."  "Am I five yet?"  And then we would have to talk, again, about how many days you had until you were in, fact, five.  "A whole hand."

Your new school has so much faith in you.  Faith that six months ago I never imagined a school would have.  "Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop," the director tells me.  "This child is fine."  "He is going to change the world," your OT tells me.  And Michael, I have no doubt you will.

You recently told me that you were glad that I picked you for a kid.  But I don't think that is how it works.  I think you picked me.  And I'm not sure exactly why, because sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for you.  You challenge me in ways I never thought were possible and some days I think my worry over you will swallow me whole.  But then you will tell me a joke or throw your arms around me and tell me how much you love me and I know that you picked the exact right mom for you and I never should have doubted myself.

Michael you are force to be reckoned with you.  You are smart and funny and handsome and clever and turning into a mature, old soul.  I wish the next year brings you all good things, joy and happiness, and not the challenges that the past year brought you.  But I know this.  Even if there are challenges and bumps along the way, you will conquer them.  You are simply, amazing.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I love you Buddy.  Bunches and bunches and scrunches.  Happy Birthday.  You are a "whole hand" today!

Shoe Friday #68

Megan's shoes

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This Shoe Friday is going to be broken into for a PSA:

If you have recently sent me shoes for Shoe Friday, and you did not get an email back from me that I got them, please send them again.  My email has been a mess lately, and I just found a bunch in spam.  I'm not ignoring you, I promise.  Please keep sending shoes.

You Think I Would Have Decided This Already

So if you follow me on twitter, you would know this post was coming.  I came home from a program at Michael's school last night on "why you should send your child to our Kindergarten when there is a perfectly good free Kindergarten down the street," totally stressed and freaking out.  See, I had made up my mind.  I had decided on public school.  Because we had done all the testing and he doesn't have a diagnosis and his behavior is better and he is no different than any other Kindergartner.  So why can't he just go to public school?

And then, I spent 90 minutes listening to the why Montessori is better spiel and I was all, ARGHHHH, maybe we should keep him here.  He is doing well and it is a 3 year cycle (screw the fact the he has only been there 3 months, it is a three year cycle and we can't break the cycle), kids can move around the classroom, and Michael needs that.  Montessori kids became leaders, they transition better at first grade than at Kindergarten.  THEY HAD RESEARCH, RESEARCH.  (Okay, I'm being facetious a little  because, clearly, they are trying to sell me something.  But I'm also a slave to marketing and was falling for it hook, line, and sinker.)

And then my real fears started to seep through.  What if he becomes a "behavior problem" again?  What if he gets "labeled" in public school?  He'll never shake the label.  Public school is evil.  We need to pay for Montessori forever. 

Why is this so hard?  WHY CAN'T I JUST MAKE THIS DECISION?

As of right now, I'm deciding not to decide.  We will register him both places and decide closer to September.  It is March.  A lot can change between now and September.  The heavens could part and I could instantly know what to do.  Man, that would be nice, wouldn't it?